Made to Feel Like a Burden


As I write this (shakily type this), I am at home, high on ventolin and steriods, nursing my asthmatic lungs.

I pushed myself more than I should have and I am suffering, but that is not what I’m writing about. My article today is about how the way my husband treated me when we were married now affects my personal relationships.

You see, I don’t have a working car. I walk everywhere. I live alone. So when I’m ill, I’m highly reliant on others.

Today, two of my work friends went over and above for me, and I am so unbelievable grateful.

But I had spent my marriage feeling like a burden. For months, my husband refused to get my medication until I landed in hospital. He felt his blood pressure medication was more important than my asthma medication. That was until a doctor at the hospital told him that my medication was not to be missed under any circumstances.

The morning I had my very first migraine, I spent throwing up in the bathroom. His response was to tell everyone how difficult it was to wake up to the sound of vomiting. He also made a big deal when the doctor insist I go to the Eye Hospital in the city as the blood vessels in both my eyes burst. Again, I was made to feel like I was a burden, my husband having to leave work early to take me there.

Although he is no longer here, his ability to make me feel worthless with just a sigh, a snarl, or a look still lives with me. The fact that I still feel like my health isn’t important. That I felt I needed to go to work today instead of staying home like I should have, or going to the hospital like I should have.

I don’t want to be a burden for people. I don’t want to elicit the same response from my friends that I received from my husband. I would hate to think that I was putting people out, that their lives became harder because of me.

I have spent most of the day apologizing and thanking my two friends. I don’t know what else I can do to show just how grateful I am, that not only did one of them call the doctors for me, but my other friend dropped what she was doing, came to the doctor with me, and then went and picked up my medication (which I couldn’t afford so my other friend paid for). This second friend then drove me home… I live an hour and fifteen minutes away.

I am so unbelievably humbled, and these two women brush it off like it’s nothing. It’s NOT nothing. To me, this type of kindness is a gift to be adored. To have two people think that I’m worth their time is better than a whole Tumblr feed full of Benedict Cumberbatch pictures (and if you know me, you know how much of a big deal that is).

I hope that in the future I can repay their kindness.

I also hope that in the future, I can finally understand and accept that I’m not the burden that my husband made me feel.

Have you ever felt like a burden? Has anyone ever displayed epic kindness to you?


  • Jessica Chapman

    First of all let me state how angry it makes me that there are people out there who are so selfish they make everything about themselves and how much they suck life out of other people

    But I know, mostly from the family that I was lucky to grow up in that there are people who are gracious and giving enough to do a lot of things for you and to really see it as no problem whatsoever. Because I still live at home and don’t contribute monetarily to the household at all I sometimes feel like such a burden on my parents, but they really don’t see it that way at all, they’re more than happy to continue to support me in anyway they can. I haven’t experienced emotionally abusive behaviour first hand and I’ve been used to experiencing giving behaviour from my parents my whole life but I still sometimes struggle to accept that I’m not a burden to them and that there isn’t anyway I can repay them for all they’ve done for me. I think society puts such a emphasis on being independent we’ve forgotten how to take help when we need it and not to be ashamed when we need help. But life was never meant to be lived alone and I think life is so much better when we can take the help being offered and offer help when we can to others when they need it. A gracious attitude makes such a positive difference to life.

  • Anon1234

    I know how you feel. I felt like that as a kid. I was the burden, the trouble-maker, the problem. My sister would get a snuffly nose and be taken to the doctor, have a week off school, get bundled up in cotton wool. When I got sick my mum would shout at me – I was such an inconvenience, why did I have to be such a pain in the ass, etc. It’s hard. xx

  • Maryann

    I think my biggest fear as a I age is that I will not be able to care for myself and therefore be a burden to my family. I don’t have a partner or children so I would be dependant on my siblings, nieces & nephews. But then I think about my grandmother who died at 93, capable until the very end and I live in hope.

    At the moment you are not well but look on the bright side, you are now surrounding yourself with people that care about you and that is the most positive move you could make. Get well soon.

  • Ozgirl

    Cuppy thats the Normal repsonse from normal people!
    You husband was not normal. he was an arse!
    If you were not a wonderful human being yourself then normal people wouldn’t do nice things for you. (note I say normal people, the fact that your husband didn’t do nice things for you makes him the not nice one – not you!)
    You deserve nice things to be done for you!
    You are not a burden – I am sure you have done wonderful things for people in your life. Do you feel they were a burden on you?

  • Monique Fischle

    I’m so sorry you were made to feel like a burden. You cannot help your health. I’m glad you have friends who take care of you in the way that a friend should and I hope you feel better soon.

  • Claudia

    His behaviour says more about him than you. I’m glad you have kindness in your life again.

  • 26 Years & Counting

    Your health is never a burden. And rarely is a health problem the fault of the person (and especially not so for something like asthma). I’m sorry you felt that way, but I’m happy you have such great friends.

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