I’m going through a bit of an emotional upheaval at the moment with regards to some friends.
I’m at that place where I feel like I need to make a decision on whether I want to have certain people in my life anymore. It’s not that they are horrible people, it’s just I’m putting in so much more into the relationship than they are and it’s wearing me down.
I have one friend who lives in another country. We arrange to chat online but they don’t show. The next day I find out that they just forgot. Again. I’m pretty sure the tally is at 6 forgets.
I have another friend who, while we are together we have the best time, leaves all contact up to me. If I’m flat out at work and don’t contact this person, I get passive aggressive text messages asking whether they’ve done something wrong.
Then there are those that drop me every time they start a new relationship and expect to pick up where we left off last time.
The other day I was thinking, when did friendships become so difficult?
I believe you need to have friends in some form, whether they are physical friends or online friends (or imaginary friends, I still love you Joe Bear). There needs to be a place outside the home that becomes a community, whether it’s a mother and babies group, a gaming group, a book club, or a craft group.
Starting up friendships are fun and exciting. It’s like the beginning of a new relationship when you realise just how much someone means to you. But like relationships, I think friendships have cooling off periods, where the initial fun excitement wanes a little. It’s pretty natural. However, I didn’t expect friendships to sometimes be so one sided as an adult.
As much as I love the people mentioned above, I don’t think they realise how their forgetfulness or passive aggressiveness affects me. When someone tells me they forgot once, you can sort of understand. But repeatedly forgetting makes me feel unloved, unworthy and very sad. But the rest of the time, when we don’t make arrangements and just talk, it’s awesome.
I’m sure these people want to be my friend, otherwise they’d say no. But leaving everything to me just makes me feel like I’m not worth the effort, again making me feel worthless.
I don’t believe I have unreal expectations regarding friendships. I don’t agree with living in each other’s pockets, I’m definitely one of those people who needs time to themselves.
But just once, I would like for something to be arranged and actually happen, or have someone make the effort to arrange a day with me. I would like to feel special to my friends at least once.
The disappointment is becoming difficult to handle.
Have you ever felt like this? Do I throw away a friendship? Or do I change my mindset?