I am nauseated, tired, have headaches, a metallic taste in my mouth, have gas and have been getting stomach cramps. I know where your mind is going, so let’s get this out of the way right now: No, I’m not pregnant. Yes, I did get married about 3.5 years ago. I am under 30, and my husband & I own a home. We have two cats and both have stable jobs… But I’m not pregnant.
It didn’t take long after getting married for the pregnancy jokes to start. In fact I think a couple of people started before we were married, and I’m sure a couple made cracks as soon as we were back from our honeymoon. It’s now reached a stage where I am too scared to mention being sick on social media because I’m so sick of people jumping to that conclusion.
In the last 2 weeks I’ve been sick with giardia. Despite not complaining about it much because I’ve been trying to avoid the inevitable assumption, I have made a couple of references. From those references alone I have had 10 different people ask if I’m pregnant. Yes, you read that correctly: TEN. In two weeks. Let me do some math, that’s five people a week. And, worryingly, that’s not entirely unusual.
Yes, I’m sick of being asked because it’s annoying that it must immediately be assumed I am intending to have children (OK, maybe I’ve said publicly a few times that I am). It is also annoying to be constantly asked if you’re pregnant, especially when you write something like “I feel so sick” and you’re asked, but in fact you have the flu, or something completely different. Yes, it is annoying because my uterus is nobody’s business but mine (and possibly my husband’s).
It can also be quite embarrassing, particularly for those carrying a couple of extra kilos who have it assumed they’re over 3 months in. Or me, when I eat a big bowl of pasta. I actually had a colleague walk up to another colleague last year, put a hand on her belly and exclaim “I wondered how long it’d be!” when she wasn’t, actually, pregnant. I have other colleagues who play who-got-married-and-isn’t-drinking-bingo with my other colleagues who got married in the last 12 months. And don’t even get me started on people nosy enough to ask “So when are you planning on having kids?” as if you can actually predict these things. But here’s why it really bothers me:
What if I was?
Sure, I could have all the early signs of pregnancy without actually being up the duff, and I have had the past few weeks while my body has been inhabited by an entirely different form of parasite, but what if I was? What if it turned out I was actually 6 weeks pregnant or so. And I knew. What then?
You’re not supposed to tell people you’re pregnant until you’ve had the 12 week scan. Now, whether or not that’s the right thing to do aside (personally I think you should tell the person/people you’d want to be there if something went wrong), that’s what is assumed. So what if you were pregnant and somebody asked? Are you supposed to lie? I’m a pretty bollocks liar. Are you supposed to say yes purely because that person was nosy enough to be the one to ask? If you do say yes, what happens if you miscarriage? Do you then need to put that on twitter too?
Worse – what if you were feeling sick because you had just miscarried? Would you really want someone asking?
I could come back with some smart ass answer “Why, are you saying I’m fat?” or “And how’s your sex life going?” but I don’t, I continue answering. I guess because I don’t want to add any fire to the already raging rumours. So, once and for all, I’d like to advise, for the record: I’m not pregnant. And in the words of Detachable Princess, I will continue vehemently stating I am not pregnant right up until I’m in labour.
Do you get a lot of people asking if you’re pregnant? Do they ask if you’re trying? Does it bother you?