Our village…
I recently read this post from one of our regular contributors, Karen, on the sacred nature of marriage. I was yelling at my computer screen “Yes Yes Yes!!” Marriage* is sacred! Marriage is important!! When a marriage breaks down it is a tragedy, no matter the circumstances. No matter who did what, when, it is still a tragedy. We all know I don’t believe in staying married when you don’t want to be, and I’m not saying marriages should never break down, but when they do it’s still sad! That said, the part that stood out to me most about Karen’s post was this:
Put your hand in the air if you’ve ever been a guest at a wedding.
Keep your hand up if you made an effort with your clothes and hair.
What about a gift? Yep, hands are still waving!
Indulge me a little further, and keep that hand up if you complimented the bride on her outfit, ooohed and aaaahed at the decor, kicked up your heels on the dance floor and perhaps dabbed a tear at the speeches.
You’re doing well, aren’t you? I should have invited you to MY wedding!
{It was lovely, by the way. A relaxed beach affair on Jervis Bay in the spring of 2000. But I digress…}
Okay. One last question: since that wedding for which you frocked up so beautifully, have you actively encouraged the bride and groom to uphold the vows they made to one another?
Oh. All the hands went down {including mine}.
When I got married we had a bonus bit in the ceremony, we asked everyone to take a vow. The minister asked me do I take this man, I said I do. He asked Husband does he take this woman, he said I do (it may have been the other way around). Then he asked for the parents to stand, and he asked them do they promise to support us in our marriage, and they said I do. He then asked the entire congregation, which was not small, to stand and he asked them. Do they promise to support us, guide us, help us and be there for us as a couple? They all swore: I do.
So when our marriage hit the 1 year mark, we had a dinner at our home with our nearest and dears. I cooked for all the people who came, 12 of us, and we celebrated the fact that together we had made it through the first year of this marriage. A year where we were homeless for a little while, where we bought a house. A year where we adjusted to our new life. And we needed everyone at that dinner. We needed each other, most of all, but also our family and friends. So we gathered together, to thank them, and to celebrate.
Because a marriage is not one person, it’s not even two, it is a community. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to keep a relationship working.
T.
*As always, when I say marriage I am also including unions of all kinds, including de facto, and those among us who are unable to legally be married yet.
