Marriage: I’m Just Not That Into You

runaway bride running away don't want to get married no marriage

runaway bride running away don't want to get married no marriage

Like many other girls, when I was young I would picture my wedding. There was the white dress, the flowers, the bridesmaids, and sometimes even the groom. The thing is; I never thought I would actually get married. I always assumed I would feel different when I was older. It’s never happened. In fact, I’ve become almost adamant that I never want to get married.

I would like to preface this piece by saying that I love weddings. Seriously. I LOVE them! Seeing a couple stand up and affirm their love for one another is a beautiful thing. And there is also the food, booze and dancing. I like those bits too.

There are many reasons why marriage doesn’t do it for me. Mostly, it holds no meaning. I’m not religious. I wasn’t raised with religion and I can’t see that I’m going to become a convert any time soon. I often find it hard to separate marriage and religion as I see the two as tied together; even though I know many people opt for civil ceremonies. It’s too hard for me to ignore the fact that marriage began as more of a business transaction, a way to bring two families together. There is also the traditional ‘giving away’ of the bride by her father and the white dress to symbolise the bride’s virginity. I know these parts are now optional but I can’t get past how grossly patriarchal and sexist the traditions are.

I’m not sold on the legal reasons either. I don’t need the government to define my relationships, nor do I want them to. Surely who I decide to form a partnership with is my business and my business alone and does not need to be officially recognised by anyone. I realise this is a simplistic view when taking into account the guardianship of children and shared assets, but I loathe the idea that marriage makes you ‘officially’ a couple.

The stats aren’t great. In Australia, roughly every third marriage ends in divorce. I’m not sure if marriage puts too much pressure on couples, people enter in to marriage too lightly, or divorce too easily, but it does make me wonder if we are really supposed to have one partner for life. It’s no secret that more relationships fail than succeed. Most people have had other partners before they find ‘the one’. Or at least the one they end up marrying.

Then there is the marriage equality thing. I sincerely believe that this will not be an issue for the rest of my lifetime, so it’s more of ‘current’ reason that will no doubt change. I cannot and will not get married when the same right is not offered to my gay friends. One of my best friends is gay. He is, quite simply, wonderful. I could not stand up in front of my loved ones and say my vows knowing that he cannot do the same. I know my little stance won’t do anything to further the cause, but I refuse to take part in an event that is for straight people only.

Honestly, I could go on and on about why I don’t want to get married. If I manage to form and sustain a committed partnership then that will be enough for me. I want love, for life, I just don’t need a piece of paper or ceremony to go along with it.

Do you want to get married? Does the government’s stance on gay marriage stop you?

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  • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

    R and I will be celebrating our 20th Anniversary next month… we’re still not married… I can’t remember ever having considered getting married in all that time…

    A wedding is a ceremony… a marriage is a legal agreement… a relationship is something you can’t define… you either have one or you don’t… the rest is just decoration.

  • http://Www.wouldntitbeloverly.com Cat

    If I had thought about it in any real way and met my husband later in life I am sure I’d have come to the same decision as you. Funny really as I wasn’t one of those girls who dreamed of my wedding day or dress. I think that on this one I went blindly down the “societal norm” path without proper thought. I met my Mr when I was 19 and we married when I was 26 so we’ve been together for most of our lives. A thought provoking piece

  • Monique Fischle

    Obviously I want to get married, otherwise I wouldn’t have said yes to the proposal, but I’m not one of those people who says “ohhh but you SHOULD get married blah blah blah”. If you’re committed to your partner, a wedding and a certificate won’t make it any more binding or any more “real”. You know what’s right for you and that’s all that matters.

  • Leah

    I could have written this myself!! I have the exact same views as you..

    I confided in a friend recently that my partner and I are trying to start a family and she said “don’t you think you should get married first?” NO. No I do not think we should. Will it help us conceive? No. Will it makes us better parents? No. Will some people judge us. Yes, but then, I’ve never been one to care!