It was 6pm on the 4th of February 2014. The day that would officially become the worst day of my life.
My phone started to ring, I saw my brother’s name come up on the screen and I knew my months of panicking had been gratified – Mum was gone. Nothing had to be said, I just knew she had taken her own life.
My Mum was my world, my light, my love. Obviously every daughter feels so deeply for their Mum- as they say, we are the only people that know what their heart sounds like from the inside, but for me and my Mum- our bond wasn’t one we were forced into because we shared the same genetic makeup, but because she embodied everything I love about this world – love, laughter, compassion and beauty.
When I say beauty, I don’t mean it in the vain sense (even though she was an absolute babe), rather a soul so bright it couldn’t be ignored. In a word – she was infectious.
She was that Mum that had ten of her son’s mates practically living with her and wouldn’t ask for a dollar from them for the food they were shovelling down, nor ever ask them to leave. She was the person who would send a Christmas card even when it had been 10 years since you saw each other. In no way am I pretending that my Mum was this perfect person or some kind of saint, she had a naughty side too… but that’s what made me love her even more.
She had lived 10 lives within her 58 years. At 21, with 3 kids under 5, she lived in a caravan where she had to put Gumption (the bathroom cleaning product that is) on the windows so that was dark enough for the kids to sleep. The neighbours bought her a pram out of pure pity. Fifteen years later, she had remarried and became the matriarch of our Brady Bunch having inherited 2 more children and raising them as her own… then I came along! She used to always tell me, “I made a wish and you came true.” We lived in the biggest house in our neighbourhood, the family business was booming and from the outside; all her dreams had come true. But it didn’t stay that way forever… if I tried to explain it all now you’d be reading for the next month. In a nutshell, my mum’s story didn’t mesmerise me because she was my Mum but because she had been rich, poor, strong, weak, up, down and everything in between… but so intensely loved at every step along the way.
Depression’s darkness destroyed her soul and put out her light. Someone so positive became unable to see anything good left in this world. Everything that had once made her so happy now only brought her anxiety and pain. I cannot even tell you how horrific it was to watch the most colourful and bright person become dull and withdrawn. The noise of the world, which she had once heard as a beautiful song, became distorted.
The power of the mind honestly baffles me. Within 2 months of first feeling depressed, my Mum was gone.
In the months leading up to my Mum’s death, I spent every waking moment scared that she would resort to suicide. I remember being on holidays and checking my phone every minute, waiting for a message from her to make sure she was still alive. I was like a deer in headlights just waiting for the blow. I felt so alone, so uneducated about how to handle the situation.
After her passing, and a few months of hating the world, I decided I had to do something to try to prevent others from enduring the physical and emotional pain that had been inflicted on me. My best friend and rock, Ashleigh Kingston, also wanted to try and make a difference and from there Vision of Hope was born. My Mum, Lyn had registered the company name ‘Vision of Hope’ many years ago with the aim of doing charity work. Life got in the way of this goal but we have re-registered the company and intend to carry out her dream in her honour. We are not mental health professionals, but we endeavor to get people talking!
It’s time to break down the stigma that still surrounds mental illness so that people know it is perfectly okay to admit they are not okay. My Mum had always been very reserved about her illness because of the negative and outdated stereotypes that still surround mental illnesses.
There has been a definite acceleration in the conversation that surrounds mental health and we are motivated to keep this going. We aim to spread awareness and build a community through the use of social media, selling merchandise, holding group events and participating in already established events. With the profits of all money raised, Vision of Hope will donate to various charities that are making positive change in the field of mental health. We are at the beginning of our journey to try and make positive social change, but we hope it is just the beginning of very big things.
If you would like to follow our journey, read more about us, or get on board as a ‘Know Hoper’ – please visit our website visionofhopeaus.com
This post was not sponsored
