What It’s Like Being Indecisive

Since I was a child, I have struggled with being indecisive. It can be over something as simple as what movie I feel like watching to something as big as what kind of wedding I wanted to have (I understand that for many, this doesn’t seem like a ‘big’ decision, but it was for me).

If you have ever tried to make dinner plans with me, you’ll know how frustrating it can be trying to decide a time and place. Presented with too many options, my mind shuts down and I physically cannot tell you what I want to do because I don’t know.

Over the years, I have discovered a few reasons which I think can explain why I have such a hard time making a decision. One is the fact that I’m a people pleaser. I love to make people happy and I can’t stand the thought of annoying people or making them not like me, though I am very aware that this happens and happens more frequently than I would like. Because of this, when a decision involves other people, I am scared of making the wrong one, one they won’t be happy with.

Another reason is I second guess myself all the time. This makes me worried that I will make the wrong choice which I will later regret. I guess you could call it FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) but I’d like to point out that even though I use slang and acronyms ironically most of the time, I have never actually used this term.

I can be paralysed by the fear of making the wrong choice. It actually causes me great anxiety. Because of this, I found wedding planning at times unbearable. I’m not sure I would have called myself a bridezilla, but I was an incredibly stressed bride. We had a beautiful wedding day but I don’t miss wedding planning at all. In fact, whenever anyone talks about wedding planning, that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach returns. It will be many years before I can look back and laugh.

My indecisiveness affected me recently when I wanted to change my hair. I knew I wanted a change but could not for the life of me decide what I wanted to get done.

For weeks on end I was going in to work and complaining to my coworkers that I was bored with my hair. After going through multiple different options with them, one of them was getting so frustrated by my indecisiveness she was close to driving me to the hairdresser and chaining me to the chair until there was a change.

I ended up going with what most would consider a fairly subtle change. Why? Because I didn’t want too big of a change for fear of not liking my choice. How ridiculous is that?

My indecisive nature also means that when I have decided on an option or a course of action, that’s it. There is very little room for movement. If plans change, and change drastically, I don’t deal very well. Even with things as simple as finally deciding that I want a particular thing to eat for dinner, once I’ve got that in my head, it’s rare that I will be satisfied with another decision. It’s why I will often order the same thing from certain restaurants because I know I will be happy with what I get. I also like it when restaurants have online menus, especially if I haven’t been there before, so I have ample time to decide what I would like. Lucky DG, right?

What it all seems to boil down to for me is that my indecisiveness is inextricably linked to my anxiety. Any decision has the ability to cause me great anxiety and as such, making decisions is something I find incredibly difficult.

How do you make a decision? Is there a process? Are you indecisive? Have you found that anxiety makes it hard for you to make decisions?