People, Self, Society

The Platinum Rule

treat others as they wish to be treated

treat others as they wish to be treated

We all know the golden rule, treat others as you wish to be treated, but is there a better way? The answer is Yes.

I was recently responding to a conversation with a bunch of bloggers (a gaggle? Gaggle seems like a good collective noun for that) when the issue of unfollowing people came up. The OP said she was disappointed by a blogger unfollowing her as she considered it part of the community spirit for us to follow one another. Someone responded saying that while it is noble to treat others as you wish to be treated, it is often fraught as we do not get the same in return.

That’s true, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be noble. It just means the old golden rule needs a bit of an upgrade. And it reminded me of something I was told in a Dealing With Difficult Behaviours seminar – better than the golden rule is the platinum rule.

Treat others as they wish to be treated

It’s all well and good to treat people as you wish to be treated, but it’s often not reciprocated, or it’s misunderstood or misinterpreted. People have different desired behaviours and if you tap in to what they want rather than what you want, you’ll get a far better result.

Do you follow the golden rule? Do you think it could do with an upgrade?

You may also like

should-have-been-a-boy

I Should Have Been A Boy (a post for International Women’s Day)

youre pregnant

How To Tell Your Infertile Friend You’re Pregnant

react-to-feel

You Don’t Have To React To Everything You Feel

power-of-asking 2

How To Unlock The Power of Asking

still-no-baby

Another Year, Another Christmas, Still No Baby

Be-Kind

Why You Should Be Kind To Others

  • Monique Fischle

    I completely agree with the upgrade. I think “treat others as you wish to be treated” can leave lots of people feeling disappointed when the same isn’t reciprocated in return. I think by looking at what is really important to someon and mirroring that in return (and avoiding actions which they have expressed upset them) to the specific individual will lead to a much better result. People are unique, we all have different wants and needs.

  • TeganMC

    I think it’s important to remember that we can’t control other people’s reactions. So while we may do what we think they need, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be a positive outcome. So I do think that the golden rule is probably better in the sense that you know that if it was you, that is how you would like to be treated, regardless of how the person responds. I also think by portraying how we wish to be treated in the way we act, then we attract other like minded people.

  • http://cookingwithtoomuchsalt.wordpress.com/ An Idle Dad

    My platinum rule is: “Try not to be an arsehole”. It sort of allows me to consider both “treat others as you wish to be treated” and “treat others as they wish to be treated” without being held hostage to unreasonable demands. For example, what if someone at work expects me to complete all their work for them – your rule means I should lest I don’t meet their desires. My rule means I don’t, but I just can’t be an arsehole about it.

    There’s a saying “If you run into an arsehole in the morning, you ran into an arsehole. If you run into arseholes all day, you’re the arsehole”. I use that as a handy self check as well.

    • https://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I would apply the platinum rule within reasonable boundaries. It’s a good thing to treat people as they would like to be treated, but it shouldn’t be at your own expense.