Love: How Do You Know?

A friend once asked me “How do you know they are ‘the one’?” And in perhaps one of my most unhelpful answers ever, I responded “You just do”. Cliché, but true.

In an episode of Big Bang Theory I saw recently (OK, I watch that a lot) Penny described her love of Leonard as boring, and Bernadette & Amy said they were never short of passion in their relationships, leaving Penny feeling inadequate and ultimately breaking up with Leonard. But, in my opinion, that’s not quite how love goes.

I’ve been in passionate relationships with high highs and low lows, and not very little in between, and I thought it was love. Isn’t that what all the songs say? Love is a battlefield and all that?

I disagree. Strongly. I don’t feel like passion defines love any more than love defines passion. You can hate someone and be attracted to them, just like you can love a friend in a totally platonic way.

When I think about the way I feel about the Viking, it feels safe. I feel safe, comforted, calm. Sure, we argue, everyone does (and I can’t imagine the Viking ever not arguing with anyone). Sometimes I love him so much I feel like my heart is going to burst. And sometimes I want to clock him over the head because he absolutely drives me mad. But most of the time it just feels like being home. Like being whole.

For me that’s what love should be. That’s when you know you’ve found it, found them, the person you were meant to be with. Because you feel like you’re home. You feel like life never existed without them and when you think about yourself old and grey, they are there beside you.

Romantic comedies have a lot to answer for, and it seems this is just another misconception they’re perpetuating. The idea that love has to overcome some obstacle, some big event, where you hate each other with the passion of a thousand firey suns, only to realise it was all a misunderstanding (which would have easily been cleared by one person finishing a sentence or clarifying what they mean in the first place instead of stomping off into the rain) and fall into each others arms. Rather than getting together, getting along, and loving and living happily ever after.

At least, that’s what I think.

What do you think? How did you know?