Entertainment, Relationships, Stories & Writing, Technology & Internet

Blogging and Real Life

Secret-Blogging

Secret-Blogging

One of the things I have found most difficult about blogging, is what happens when people who know you “in real life” (gosh I hate that term) begin to make assumptions based on the fact that you blog. Often I suspect those assumptions come from not having read things I write, but regardless, they are the perceptions of those around you.

I was at a dinner one evening and a friend of mine, who doesn’t see me often, called out down the table “I get so nervous when I’m with you, Tamsin, I’m constantly wondering if you’re going to blog about this!” To which I replied “I don’t really blog about things people I know say or do… Except that. I’m going to blog that you said that.”

It’s a weird position to be in. To know those around you are wondering if you’re going to write about them. Particularly weird for someone like me who tends to write about myself or strangers, or society at large, rather than those around me. Which has always been a conscious decision, primarily as I own my own life, not anyone else’s. But also because whenever I see blogs written about the people around them, especially those with the blogger’s real name attached, I wonder how this affects their personal relationships going forward. Are people more guarded, more scared? Does it ruin friendships?

I can’t think of anything worse than having my friends be afraid to tell me something or thinking I would call them out on it on the world’s stage (I realise the whole world doesn’t read this website, but how do I know who will?). I have always tried to be quite discrete in the things I divulge about what goes on in my life, particularly where it involves others, but I wonder if the people around me know that. Do they realise?

I know someone who hates to be tagged in anything on social media. I often wonder why they have it at all. But as I’ve been bitten about a good natured photo posting, it makes me a little paranoid to the extent that I will not only ask you if it’s OK to post a photo of you or your child on social media (personally I think this is just good manners) but I will even ask if it’s OK for me to post an image of your dog… or your handbag (if I’ve already asked permission to take a photo of your handbag in the first place). I’ve been told in the past I can be slightly over sensitive, however, so I’m wondering: Is it just me?

Do you wonder what people who blog are going to say about you? Do you get paranoid about it? If you blog, do you write about people you know? 

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  • Jessica Chapman

    I tend to be very careful. If I want to anecdotally include something the person has said or done I tend to ask them if it is okay, give the whole piece to them to read before I post it (even if the bit they’re in is just two lines) to check if they feel like they’ve been taken out of context. I never use other peoples actual names in my pieces, usually just friend, sister etc. And the photo I put up in my last post of me, my mother and sister, I asked them both first, letting them know I had no problem using a different photo if they preferred me not to use it. It’s just common sense really. The internet is written in very permanent ink.

    I’m not so worried about other people writing about comments I have said if they don’t identify me. The people who know me well enough to know that it’s me, know me well enough that I’m not concerned about appearances.

    • https://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      If I can make the reference so vague they may not even realise I’m referencing them, I will do that. And I don’t generally ask people’s permission if I’m writing something nice (I’ve written about your sister without asking permission a few times. Oops). I’m not really worried about people writing about me. Of course it would be wonderful if it were all nice thing, but you can’t do what I do without expecting people to comment about you.

  • Monique Fischle

    I generally don’t write about my friends and family. If I do, I ask permission first. I am very careful what I blog about because I don’t want to upset anyone or for my friends to think they can’t be honest with me without fear of me writing about it.

  • Imogen Topp

    I’m too terrified of trolls to have a blog in the first place, though I’d desperately love to have one. I admire you and your strength… and the lovely community that you’ve all developed here!

    • https://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      Trolls have crossed my mind a few times. I’m pretty lucky in that we’ve kept this site pretty troll-free, there’s only been a couple of blow ups and we’ve been pretty good at keeping them under wraps (in my opinion). But at the end of the day when I think would I be upset if people were slamming me on the internet? Yeah, I would. Should it stop me from doing what I want to do? Never!

      If you want to blog, just do it!

  • http://emhawker.blogspot.com/ Emily

    Ooh, I would never post anything about anyone I knew without asking them first. I hope they know that! Time to reiterate.

  • Smaggle

    I find this topic really frustrating because I never write about people in my life (unless it’s something cute or inconsequential) but I write about made up ‘friends’ all the time, who don’t actually exist, but some of my friends like to put themselves in the article and get mad at me for writing about them. Which I never do. People are primarily very self centered and I’ve realised that more than ever from writing a blog. I once wrote about a ‘friend’ (who was actually a friends friend but I try to keep stories like that simple for my readers) who pissed me off by making a whole table of people order dairy free food because of her ‘allergies’ and then ate a giant ice cream. I had 3 different people decide it was them in the article. It’s bonkers because none of those friends are even lactose intolerant. I’ve had to get really harsh with people and tell them how ridiculous and insecure they’re being. Half my family stopped talking to me 2 years ago because of an article that they thought was about a relative of mine (it so wasn’t and it obviously wasn’t) and they got all up in arms about the COMMENTS! a) The post wasn’t about them in the first place and b) I have literally no control over what people write in the comments. I swear people just love a bit of drama and they wish they were important enough to warrant someone writing about them. I’ve only had maybe 1 or 2 major incidents in 7 years of blogging so I’m not doing too badly.

    I’m also really careful to protect my partner. Lots of bloggers write mean things about their other half and it makes me uncomfortable.

    • https://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I have to admit I’ve read a couple of things on occasion and thought “Is that about me?” but, most of the time, I was pretty certain it was (and I was right). I’ve never had anyone ask if something was about them, with one exception – my cousin asked if something I wrote when I referred to her as my cousin was her. It was, it was just something she had said. She thought it was hilarious (as the quote was “Would you call me fat?” “No” “Then don’t call her skinny!”)

  • http://www.jfgibson.com.au/ Jodi Gibson

    I certainly don’t blog about specific people or family and friends, more in a general sense or anecdotal if I do. My blog is more about me though. Thoughts, opinions, life journey, my writing. Very self absorbed I know!

  • Hayley Ashman

    I think about this a lot more than I need to. I always ask before I mention anyone specific in something that I write. I actually think about this way more than my friends do. Fortunately they are super supportive and often send me things they want me to write about and let me know I can quote them. Even still, I feel a need to protect them and usually just go with ‘a friend’ rather than naming anyone. On the flip side, people can write about me all they want. I’d love it! I have a rule that I don’t write anything on the internet (even comments) that I’m not happy to put my full name to so I’m pretty open with my thoughts, feelings ect.