Celebrity, Children, Entertainment, Parenting, People, Society

What I Don’t Understand About Role Models

role-model
Everyone needs role models, who we choose to look up to is different

Everyone needs role models, who we choose to look up to is different

Growing up if you had asked me who my role model was or who I looked up to, I would have said my parents, not only because they were taller than me and I had to look upward to see them, but because they had the greatest influence on my life. So apart from my parents, I didn’t grow up with a role model. There were people who I thought were pretty cool, like Inspector Gadget and the Spice Girls, but I never aspired to be them (though I did play a pretty fantastic Posh Spice when me and my friends ‘played’ Spice Girls).

So I never really understood when people would refer to celebrities as role models. Sure, they were in the public eye, but that was it to me. When I wanted to be an actress, I would look upon their lives with a tinge of envy because I so desperately wanted what they had. I then grew up, decided I wanted to be a writer and after much self deprecation realised that being a celebrity would suck.

People would follow you around ALL THE TIME. People you didn’t know would write nasty things about you and make up rumours (one of the many reasons I have steered away from writing about celebrities, because they are people too). You would be scrutinised for every decision you made, good or otherwise.

As people, we are not perfect. It’s a shocking truth, I know, but we’re not. We all make mistakes and occasionally let people down by some decisions that we make. I couldn’t imagine how awful that would be for your mistakes to be talked about all over the internet, in newspapers and magazines and on television. Imagine how it would feel to have random parents of children you’ve never met talking about how you’re such a bad role model and how they fear for their children because they look up to you.

When Britney Spears lost it for a little while there, I felt for her. Clearly, she was going through a really tough time and it was sad to see someone with such a promising future drop so low. But I wasn’t upset for me and the loss of one of my favourite singers from my childhood, I was more concerned about her wellbeing and that of her children.

Because no matter how much I loved Britney, her life and her decisions did not affect me, they only affected her.

Call me old fashioned, but I looked up to my parents

Call me old fashioned, but I looked up to my parents

When sporting stars or celebrities fall from grace, there is an outcry that, as role models, they should know better. But these people are human and they make mistakes and their decisions only affect them and their family, not their fans. Or they shouldn’t. Just because Britney shaved her head and attacked cars with umbrellas doesn’t mean I am going to do the same. Just because Tiger Woods doesn’t understand what monogamy is, doesn’t mean that all the people who looked up to his golfing ability are going to cheat on their spouses with lots of people.

These people didn’t ask to be role models. Yes, they are in the public eye and yes, many celebrities and sporting stars have been able to capitalise on this image with lots of endorsements but that doesn’t mean that the public should be holding them accountable to their decisions.

This isn’t trying to excuse some really awful behaviour, just trying to point out that I really don’t understand the “role model thing” because as a child, I only looked up to people I knew. You don’t have to agree with bad behaviour and you are well within your rights to want to shield your child from it, but I don’t see how their personal struggles and downfalls affect anyone other than themselves and their families.

How do you feel about role models? Who were some of your role models growing up? Do you think people in the public eye get a bad wrap sometimes? 

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    • Maryann

      I think the fixation with celebrity is unhealthy. Whether they are singers, actors or sport stars they are just people that happen to be good in their chosen field. They are just as flawed as the rest of us. There are many teachers, nurses etc that are brilliant but no one knows about them. Growing up in the in 60s & 70s, as I did, you may be a fan of say the Beatles but they were not role models. This is a relatively new phenomena created by the professional media and social media. However, these celebrites should now be well aware that every move they make is monitored so if they behave badly we all will here about it, forever and a day.

      • Monique Fischle

        I completely agree with you, it is unhealthy. I used to be so fascinated by celebrity and as time has gone on, I have drifted away from this because they are just people who, as you say, are good in their chosen field.

        You can definitely be a fan of someone without looking to them as a ‘role model’. It’s sad how monitored celebs are these days.

    • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

      What I don’t understand (a bit like T’s post from yesterday) is why we expect famous people to be “perfect” – I don’t understand this obsession with the perfection of role models…

      Shouldn’t we have imperfect role models as well – people we look to and say “don’t behave like that”…

      Better still, why don’t we have role models that are both good and bad role models – because that’s what people are really like – none of us are perfect – we have good traits and bad traits…

      • Monique Fischle

        I don’t get it either, which is why I don’t understand the obsession.

        You raise an interesting point, I think there is merit in looking at people as a warning for lack of a better word.

        We’re all human, none of us are perfect.

    • Melissa Savage

      I really like this. I don’t think anyone sets out to be a role model (or a brand for that matter), no matter how ambitious they are. We as humans like to compare ourselves to one another and naturally that means we all have certain people we admire and hope to emulate in some way.

      But that’s the thing that gets me. It’s not really about the role model, it’s about the person looking up to them. In some cases (parents, family friends, mentors) the person will be aware that someone admires them, but in most cases they won’t. They’re just trying to do well at something and probably succeeding. Otherwise they are no more or less human than the rest of us.

      An important lesson of growing up is realising that your parents are fallible and human and made mistakes. I’d argue that finding out the same of the people you look up to is also important. That way you learn that while it’s okay to admire and emulate some aspects of someone’s life, at the end if the day you have to be yourself and do what’s best for you int he unique context of your life.

      • https://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

        The point you’ve made, about learning people make mistakes being a valueable one, is a really good point. It is very important for children as they grow up to learn everyone makes mistakes and everyone is wrong sometimes.

        The only caveat I’d add to people setting out to be a role model is that some people, parents and teachers for example, do. Or should if they don’t. I know I certainly think about the kind of role model I am for Stepdaughter when she comes to visit, and I know the Viking thinks about the kind of role model he is for her and for his students. But on a grander scale, no I don’t think most people sets out to be a role model. I also don’t think that’s what most people are chasing when they’re chasing fame and fortune.

        • Melissa Savage

          Oh yes! That’s where I was heading when I talked about parents and mentors being aware of it and taking it seriously, while footballers and pop stars can’t possibly be expected to take that as seriously.

      • Monique Fischle

        You and JJ raise similar points and I agree with both of you. It’s good to see that our parents (or just people in general) are human and do make mistakes. No one is perfect and I think the world would be a really boring place if everyone was.

    • maree Talidu

      There are celebrities that I respect and to some degree may admire, but they are not, and never will be a ‘role model’ in my life. I have respect for Drew Barrymore, Shirley Manson, Kathleen Hanna, P!NK, Josh Klinghoffer, Sir Bob Geldof, Butch Vig etc. If you asked me who my actual role models were, I’d say the strong women in my life. I come from 2 very strong grandmothers and one incredibly strong mother, a strong fairy godmother- the REAL people in my life. And I love Britney! But like you, I feel for HER, not for myself when things are going badly for her.

      • Monique Fischle

        We’re like two peas in a pod :) I’m the same, I admire them and respect them, but would never call them my role models.

    • Mazi

      If I was a pro-athlete, I would love to have a “no role model clause ” in my contract. A lot of what is considered “bringing the game into disrepute” seems arbitrary. I think as long as the behavior is legal a person should be able to do what they like.

      Thinking back to T’s post about the life of a teacher. teachers are expected to be Role Models, but even they have some contractual obligations which are quite harsh. I think we don’t just look for role models in the wrong place, we espect far too much from them.

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