Today’s guest post by Claire Wallace:
Is this how you get your jeans on?
Unless you live in the tropical north, for most Australians it’s that time of year where the mercury has dropped and we’re all thinking about hot chocolate and soup. It’s also the time of year when most of the population becomes dependant on a piece of clothing fraught with complications. Jeans.
For some, jeans are a trusted, faithful wardrobe staple. Flattering, comfortable, durable and warm. Easy to dress up or down for day or night. The great all-rounder!
For others, jeans are the stuff of nightmares. Ill fitting, stiff, evil purveyors of muffin-top. Too tight on the thigh and too loose on the hips (or vice versa). Too short. Too long. Can’t find the right cut. I’m between sizes. I’m breaking out in a cold sweat.
Jeans also trigger some weird behaviours which I believe are unique to this item of clothing. Exhibit A: The health hazard. The avoidance of washing jeans at all costs so they don’t shrink or fade (e.g. putting them in the freezer instead of washing them, or continuing to wear them whilst grubby and smelly). Exhibit B: The quasi-gymnastic lunatic. One who rolls around on the floor, performing a series of squats, lunges, forward rolls and half splits around the house to stretch their jeans when they have just come out of the wash. Exhibit C: The hobo. One who refuses to admit when jeans are ready for the bin – continuing to wear them regardless of holes on the bum or groin, threadbare knees or inner thighs, or resemblance to a patchwork to rival your nanna’s quilt. Because finding a pair that fit you like a glove is only slightly easier than finding hens’ teeth.
So many choices!
Shopping for jeans is a particularly traumatic experience. I for one hate it far more than bikini shopping. The problem is that you just don’t know how they’re going to turn out. Denim is a particularly temperamental fabric. In fact, I think some jeans are downright spiteful. They look amazing when you try them on in the shop – and then two wears later? Ha! You thought I was the perfect fit but I’m actually an inch too big on the waistband! Now you have to wash me every time you want to wear me and I’ll be forever stiff yet falling down at the same time! OR, you deliberately buy them too small so you can’t actually sit down in them. Because you know, they’ll stretch. But then they only stretch 1 millimetre. Hellooooo stuffed sausage legs and plumber’s cleavage. Awesome!
Sticking with the same brand, where you know your size and how the denim will stretch and fade can be an effective strategy. Until you gain or lose weight. Or until they go and change the sizing/cut/fabric, and you’re back at square one.
There are three types of people in this world: the jeans-rich, jeans-poor, and jeans-deniers (who reject the very idea that jeans should be worn). I’ve always been jeans-poor and am yet to find my one true denim love. As such, I only really have a one piece of advice regarding jeans. If you like the fit of a pair of jeans, don’t cut them into shorts during summer. YOU WILL REGRET IT!
Do you have a love/hate relationship with jeans? Do you stick with one brand that you know suits you? Do you think it’s worth spending more on a good pair? Do men have the same issues with jeans?!
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