How many times have you fallen in love? Once? Twice? I fall in love each time I turn on Mad Men and watch Don Draper (Jon Hamm) walk around his 1960s ad agency office with a cigarette in one hand; a whisky in the other. A girl can dream. When I think of love I remember that feeling of butterflies in the stomach, or hanging off the other person’s every single word, or even what it felt like when you showed them your favourite movie and they loved it. Or they hated it to bits but you didn’t care anyway because you’re in lurve, you sicko.
I’ve been hearing a lot about people learning to love the person they’re sort of interested in. The glossy magazines have picked up on it so it must be a trend. Apparently we should settle for Mr Right-Now and stop searching for Mr Right. They made a whole self-help book on this remember? So maybe it has some merit but when I think long and hard about it I don’t think I’d want to be with someone who wasn’t sure that I was the right girl for them. I don’t want to have to learn to love them and I don’t want that in return – is that too much to ask? Am I being too choosy? Maybe I’m narrowing my chances at finding love.
Personal experience plays a huge part with how you feel about love. Not just about how you love others or how they love you, but more about how you love yourself. If you’ve been in love before – as most of us have – it can skew your perspective of future relationships. I have been in love once with someone who was (and still is) very dear to me. I don’t take this experience for granted because it helps me measure up what I want in a potential new partner. I am fussy; I am choosy – but I know what I want. I want someone who I can laugh with every other day, I want someone who knows how I like my tea and I want someone who is proud to be with me and vice versa.
I could be describing my best friend in those sentences. Love doesn’t exist without friendship and friendship doesn’t exist without love. But there is romantic love, friendship love and another little glitch called lust but he only pops up from time to time. He can be fun though as long as you don’t let him stay around long enough in the control room to play with your friendship and love buttons!
The other day a friend told me they heard someone’s New Year’s resolution for 2012 was to get married. I scoffed and then I smiled because planning to get married when you haven’t met anyone special enough to give as little as a drawer to is just wishful thinking. I smiled because it’s idealistic love – the kind of love that I simply don’t believe in. It’s the fairytale “princess” wedding stuff that wedding planners force down your throat like breakfast. It’s Kim Kardashian’s wedding broadcast live on ‘E’. It’s the kind of love that leaves you feeling disappointed because you’re looking outside yourself for your happy ending; when your happy ending is staring back at you every morning as you wash your face.
It’s you, you dingus.
Kelly Clarkson wrote one of the most beautiful songs on her new album Stronger which has really resonated with me. I don’t believe she’s talking about relying on someone else in this song – I picture that it’s a mirror, looking back at yourself, knowing, you’ve got your own back and that’s what makes you stronger than ever.
Take a breath and listen
Open up stop wishing
All that you’ve been missing
Standing in front of you
Everything you’ve been fearing
All the walls you’re building
Take a chance and reason
Standing in front of you
Do you believe you can learn to love someone? Or are you the kind of person that needs love to hit you like a ton of bricks?
This image was found on Bujju.
