It was a few months into my brand new relationship when my boyfriend and his brother made a joke. It was a Sunday night, a group of friends were over (who have apparently been coming over every Sunday night since 1985) and everybody laughed. Except me. All of a sudden it dawned on me… Oh my God, I’m dating a nerd.
If this looks normal
In case you’re wondering if you are, I’ve put together this guide (with my handy dandy notebook) – 12 ways to tell if you’re dating a nerd.
1. You know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek
Not just the difference, but that which one is better is not a legitimate conversation to have and should be avoided at all costs. It’s also not recommended to say “Aren’t they the same thing?” If you know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, which characters are from which and which quotes are which, it’s fairly likely that you are dating (or just are) a nerd.
2. There is always a reason to get the most expensive one
A nerd’s toys are expensive and while it may seem logical to you to buy the smallest iPhone because no one needs that much space on their phone, this does not compute for the nerd. There is always a reason to get the most expensive one. Maybe it has teh bigger gee-bees*, maybe it has a higher pixel ratio or some other incomprehensible feature that makes it awesome-sauce, whatever, the most expensive one will always be the one they want.
Toddler-sized Darth Vader suit. This photo donated by a friend of mine who has a son named Anakin.
3. You wake up to a cacophony of animal noises
No, I’m not talking about pets, little birds helping you get dressed a’la Sleeping Beauty, or your nerd doing impersonations, no, I’m talking about notifications. At any given moment you might hear Chewbacca, a bing, tweets and R2D2. If you’re very lucky, like me, you’ll hear them in surround sound as you hear his iPhone, iPad and computer in the study all go off at once because someone has mentioned him on twitter.
4. Your first child’s name is Anakin
You and nerd have the blessed event of creating offspring. Said offspring is named Anakin, Boba Fett, Arwen, Willow or Kirk. If you get this already, you’ve probably got a good chance you’re dating one. The really scary thing is that I could rattle those names off from the top of my head. Husband and his brother actually named their two cats Gandalf and Bilbo.
5. There are more cords in your house than places to hide them
Any IT nerd worth his salt will require a large amount of stuff.All of this stuff needs to charge and for some unknown reason this involves a separate charger in every room that all look similar enough for you to no longer know which is which, yet imperceptibly different meaning that every single one of these cords, chargers and connecters is required. If you ever find a way to hide all of these cords, let me know.
Labelling is required
6. You have arrived at an apple store before sunrise
If you have ever seen the sun rise over the glass structure of an apple store there is a strong possibility you are dating a nerd. Especially if you have done so when there wasn’t even a product launch, the store was just opening. If you know your way to an apple store in the dark, that’s a fairly good sign you’ve landed yourself a nerd. If your current choice of pyjamas is an apple t-shirt, you know you’re in deep.
7. You have ever dressed up to see a movie
I’m not talking jeans and a nice pair of heels. No. If you have ever worn a costume to a movie, and you are not a child there is a fairly strong possibility you are dating a nerd. It’s a certainty if you didn’t have any children with you, and said movie was in fact a re-release of an old movie with 21 seconds of additional footage.
8. You get Big Bang Theory
You find yourself laughing along with Big Bang Theory, shaking your head and muttering “that’s so true”. You think Sheldon reminds you of one of your partner’s friends. You know you’re really dating a nerd when all of the jokes make sense and Leonard seems like a perfectly normal guy.
9. You can hold a whole conversation in quotes
If you can hold a whole conversation without actually saying anything that is not from a movie or TV show, while still making sense, you’re probably dating a nerd. Bonus points if these quotes come from Sci Fi, The Simpsons or old horror movies.
Maybe not this hard core...
10. Your wedding theme involves light sabres and a wookie
You walked down the aisle to the Imperial March, Gollum arrived when they asked for the rings or your engagement ring has been referred to as the one ring to rule them all. Bonus points if you can’t get past reading that without adding ‘one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them’ in your head.
11. People ask you for IT help
If you receive phone calls for IT assistance, no matter what your job or IT knowledge is, you’re definitely dating a nerd. There seems to be a widely held assumption that IT knowledge can be absorbed by osmosis and, if you’ve seen enough IT Crowd, you know enough to be able to resolve it by turning it off and on again.
12. If you have read through this list nodding and smiling
Congratulations, you are dating a nerd.
T.
This post would not have been possible without the input, and the giggling, of . Thank you!
*This is not a nerd:
Photo Credits: Photo 1 Big Bang Theory. Photo 2 donated by . Photo 3 . Photo 4 Star Wars Wedding.
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