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This Week: Heart Health, Anniversary & New Jeans

April 20, 2013 in Anecdotes, Comedy, Fashion, Food & Recipes, Health, Humour, Marriage, Nutrition, Stories, Style, Wedding

This week has been, and will continue to be, a busy one. After pulling on my jeans last Thursday morning only to discover they were ripped right in the crotch (stylish, no?) I began my search for the ‘right’ jeans. I had pretty specific ideas of what I wanted in this pair of jeans. They had to be tight, stretchy enough that I could move comfortably, long enough to scrunch a little at the ankle, dark blue in colour, super skinny and high waisted. Not a long list of requirements at all! It took 3 different shopping trips with the [...]

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Dumped! End Game

April 17, 2013 in Dating, Fiction, Friendship, Humour, Marriage, Wedding

It was a few hours before midnight on New Year’s Eve, and Blake and Carla were sitting together on the floor of Blake’s apartment  Blake looked for all the world like one of the homeless people he had given Carla’s clothes to. Carla held a hanky to her nose, trying not to gag. “Give up?” asked Blake? “No. – But, my God Blake, you really stink!!” They both laughed. “You know,” said Carla, “I’ve tried and tried to think of something really bad to get you to dump me, and I just can’t think of anything anymore. It’s like I don’t want you to dump [...]

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Tony Abbott: My Five Stages Of Grief

April 8, 2013 in Current Affairs, Humour, Politics

OK – let’s face it. Barring something unexpected, it’s almost certain that Tony Abbott will become the next Prime Minister of Australia. Some of you might be pleased with this, and I’m happy for you, but I can’t share your joy. I don’t always vote Labor, but I’ve never voted Liberal and nothing about Tony Abbott or the policies of the Coalition makes me want to change this. So, where does that leave me? I’m guessing you’ve all heard of the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Well, I’m feeling that way about Tony Abbott. Denial It will be OK. Gillard [...]

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How To: Lose Your Mind in 10 Days

April 2, 2013 in Health, Home, Humour, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Stories, Work

Step 1: Decide to sell your house You’ve been thinking about it for a while anyway. And time is never better than the present to make these big decisions. Especially with employment conditions up in the air. Always make major decisions when other stressors are already present. The key to this one is that when you finally make the decision, DON’T SLEEP ON IT! Tell your agent straightaway, and follow that up with signing the listing contract immediately! This all adds to the excitement of the amazing adventure of losing your mind. And to add even more excitement, you realise [...]

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Confessions of a (Failed) Shoplifter

March 28, 2013 in Anecdotes, Humour, Stories

Growing up in a smallish town with little to do except wander around the shops on a Saturday, with a group of BFFs, boredom levels ran high. These Saturday afternoons were the highlight of my week. Armed with a small amount of pocket money, we’d try on clothes we couldn’t afford, giggle at boys over milkshakes and plaster each other in cheap tester perfumes and garish make up. Ah, the make-up. Rimmel was our friend. Or not. It was the 80s (electric blue mascara anyone?). My hands would be tattooed with smears of lipstick colours which I proudly wore like [...]

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Dumped! The Tally

March 27, 2013 in Friendship, Humour, People, Relationships

Once again the four friends found themselves in a sleazy bar, late at night, drunk, but not comatose. “Twins,” said Blake, mournfully. “Sucker!” teased Holly. “Fuck off.” “Do they really count as two dumps?” Carla asked yet again. “Yep. As I’ve explained before,” said Russell, “what if only one of the twins had dumped him? That would have still counted as one dump. Both together counts as two.” “I guess you’re right. Well, Blake – congratulations.” Carla kissed Blake on the cheek. “Not so fast!” said Holly, raising a finger in the air. “Oh no. What have you been up to?” asked Blake. “You [...]

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Dumped! The Twins

March 20, 2013 in Dating, Fiction, Friendship, Humour

On his first day of school Blake sat down next to a friendly looking boy. “Hi, my name’s Blake.” “I’m Russell.” “Let’s be friends.” From that one simple conversation a friendship was created. As they grew up together, they also grew apart – not away from each other – just different to each other. Blake was confident and outgoing, whereas Russell was shy and inward-looking. And yet, despite these differences, they remained friends. Russell wasn’t necessarily Blake’s best friend, or even his favourite friend, but he was always there. For Blake, Russell was the silent observer. He was the person [...]

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These Are My Claims To Lame

March 8, 2013 in Anecdotes, Celebrity, Humour, Politics, Sport

If we’re lucky, some of us may have a claim to fame – something we can brag about. Something about our lives that other people find interesting, exciting, and yes, are maybe a little jealous of. For example, I was in the Olympic Stadium the night Cathy Freeman won the 400m at the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games. But so were 100,000 other people, so maybe that’s not that special. Maybe that’s not really a claim to fame. Sadly, I think most of us are more likely to suffer from claims to lame than claims to fame. Things that, at first, [...]

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Fiction: Spanky The Hamster

March 1, 2013 in Fiction, Humour, Pets

Spanky the hamster loved running on his wheel of power. Nothing gave him more pleasure than to run and run and run, generating all the power needed to keep KiKi & Tea up and running. He didn’t know what KiKi & Tea was – he was a hamster. He couldn’t read or use a laptop or earn money to pay for a smartphone with internet access. No, all Spanky knew how to do was to run. Some days not as many looked at KiKi & Tea, and Spanky could run as fast or slow as he wanted, when he wanted. [...]

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Dumped! Dinner At Harry’s

February 20, 2013 in Dating, Fiction, Friendship, Humour

Once committed to the game, Blake and Carla threw themselves into being dumped with the same intensity as they would with any other venture of theirs. They were the bright young things, and success was second-nature to them…perhaps first. As the weeks rolled by, Holly and Russell found themselves engulfed within the game as well. That was their role in life. They weren’t the “A” listers…they were the quirky sidekicks, forever destined to follow, not lead. Each week they would meet back at The Last Slice Cafe and compare notes. “…I’ve got one on Wednesday, two on Thursday – they’re twins…” said [...]

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