I finally understand how people cheat.
I’ll admit it, I used to judge people who cheat on their spouses. How could someone do that to the person they love? How could anyone forget they are married?
But I understand now.
After the stress of the past year, I’m struggling. I’m struggling hard. My life is becoming strained with work stress increasing, after work commitments on the rise, the stress of maintaining an active (or, you know, any) social life, running a website, writing, trying not to make people look at me like I’m a total fruitcake when I try to explain that I’m having an existential crises (tip: they still will).
I’ve started to feel detached. Spaced out. Unhappy and unable to settle. I want to scream at anyone who asks me to do anything, who asks me about how things are going, who even asks me if they can help.
So when a young, good looking man showed interest in me, I started fantasising. I don’t mean about sex, I mean about life. Life without all the stress of now. Life with someone else, somewhere else, a life without the problems I currently face.
The thing is, problems follow you.
If I’m honest, I wasn’t really interested in any other guy. And I knew that. I was interested in running away. It’s the same impulse that makes me want to quit my job, go to New York or stay in bed all day. The same impulse that makes me want to just stop doing anything, just stop paying bills, going to work or getting up…
If I ran away with this guy, would things be different? If I left the Viking, started a new life, would I be happy?
I know what you’re thinking, and I didn’t cheat. Not even close.
But I can finally see how easy it would be. How easy it would be to let yourself believe in the fantasy. To run away. To think that, somehow, it would make things easier.
But it wouldn’t. And I don’t know yet what would.
Have you ever been tempted to cheat? Have you ever cheated? Have you ever run away?