I’m Tired Of Trying To Find A Diamond In The Rough


As fun as it can be, dating is damn hard work. I’m 28, single, and over it. I’ve reached the point where I’m surprised more people don’t just give up. Trying to find a partner can feel like a part-time job. I’m trying to understand just how much energy we should put into it and how much we should just leave to fate, the universe, or simple luck.

I’ve never been the kind of person who seeks out serious relationships. I’ve had a few partners but only one I really cared about. Being single works for me most of the time. I like my own company and am rarely in a position where I want to factor another person into my choices. This doesn’t mean that every now and then I don’t dabble in the world of dating. I might meet a guy who seems nice or envision a future where my sole beneficiary is not my cat. When these moments strike I try to give it a go. But man is it an energy-suck. I really feel for people who have reached a stage in their life where they want to find a partner but have not been lucky enough to just meet ‘the one’ through their everyday life.

Online dating is a scary place. On a whim I signed up for a few dating sites. The only good thing about these is that it’s easy to pick out the guys who have no intention of taking you to dinner or a movie. The down side is that dating sites are full of them. It becomes an exercise in wading through the creepy, crazy, and married. Tinder has become a montage of dick-pics. I really feel sorry for the nice dudes looking for a date online. I imagine a lot of women bail before their profiles pop up.

Real life can be just as challenging. At least online you assume everyone is single. Meeting people in the flesh means if you find them interesting then you’re suddenly on a mission to find out if they’re available. I’d like to see someone do this smoothly. Really, send me your tips.

Let’s say you meet someone with a bit of potential. Lucky you. Now you have to go through a series of dates/text flirt sessions to work out if you see any potential. Our time is valuable. I often wonder how productive we single folk would be if we invested no time in finding a partner and turned our focus to our passions. It’s hard not to be disappointed at time wasted on people who weren’t worth your time in the first place.

I’m lucky in that having a relationship is not important to me right now. But I worry about what happens when it is. I just don’t know how people can summon the energy to wade through all the unsuitable people out there until they find someone they can go the distance with. Is there a point at which you decide not to put any energy into it and just let life happen, whatever that means?

Have you ever felt tired of dating? How did you meet your significant other?


  • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

    Online dating is the worst. People are rude, superficial and it’s hard work. Even though I met Adam online dating, I wouldn’t recommend this method as it leaves you feeling so worthless.

    • Hayley Ashman

      I joined just to see what it was all about, and I wasn’t seriously looking for someone, but it was a huge eye opener. I highly doubt I’ll return to online dating when I’m ready to settle down. It was not a positive experience.

  • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

    Rhonnifer and I worked together for a year before we started going out – and even then, we were just mates – by the time we realised we had feelings for each other, we were so comfortable with each other that it just felt normal…

    This was in 1993 – before online dating existed – I’m not sure how I would have coped with online dating – I don’t think I’m the easiest person to get to know – it took Rhonnifer over a year to realise that she loved me – I’m not sure I would have ever “made the cut” in online dating… that’s kind of scary….

  • Jessica Chapman

    I find people who ask why I’m still single the pits. I just want to reply, ‘Oh no! I knew I was forgetting something. I was supposed to go down to the boyfriend shop and pick one out. And I’ve forgotten for the past ten years or so.’

    Although I think my favourite is my Grandma, who wonders why I’m single after telling me countless stories of really dreadful marriages and marriage breakdowns.

    I think it’s something that either happens or just doesn’t. And as someone who hates meeting new people, I’m pretty sure I’ll remain single for a long time.

    • Hayley Ashman

      Yes! It boggles my mind that people assume you should have, and want, a partner.

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      You crack me up

  • 26 Years & Counting

    I never really dated – but have always wanted to try speed dating (mostly because I think it would make great book character fodder).

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I haven’t either! Not properly at any rate. I went on one date with the Viking, which didn’t really start out as a date as we were friends, and before that I was in high school dating guys who your relationship involved being asked if you would go out with them, then “going out” with them, but almost never actually going anywhere!
      I met the Viking so many times it’s ridiculous. The universe was determined for our paths to cross 😉

  • http://www.jfgibson.com.au/ Jodi Gibson

    I’ve never really dated and I really don’t think I’d like it. I always think that if I ever found myself single again, I’d just be happy with that. I don’t mind my own company!!

  • http://livingmyimperfectlife.com/ Sanch Living Life

    I hear you but there is hope. For the past two years I’ve dated on and off. It wasn’t essential for me to find someone but I met some through online dating and some offline the regular way. But it was just a minefield of mind games. And I hate the game playing side of things with dating. Back in June, a friend set me up with a friend of hers and well, after one more weird mind-game thing I decided I was done. And I said so to my friends. And then I met my current partner. We’ve been going out for two months now and it’s been great. I met him through a social group — wasn’t looking for anyone, just looking at making new friends. The best thing is there was never any game-playing right from the start. So I guess all I’m trying to say is that there is hope. I’m not a fan of online dating though…I prefer meeting people the regular way. Oh and I’m 30. :)

    • Hayley Ashman

      When I’m ready I hope that’s what happens. I just want someone to come along :)