Female Masturbation: One of the Last Great Taboos? (+ Giveaway)



Is female masturbation one of the last great taboos?

I have a large number of female friends, they’re fairly evenly split between married and single, with a slightly higher percentage falling into the single category, and a very small percentage sitting in a relationship but not married (symptomatic of my age, I suppose). Despite all my close female friends, and despite being comfortable enough to pee in front of or even shower in front of some of them, there’s still a topic that is never discussed: masturbation.

Even among those who will discuss their sex lives, masturbation is a taboo topic. Particularly the use of vibrators or other toys. It’s such a taboo topic, in fact, that when a friend of mine shared a picture of a vibrator on facebook with the caption “Please like this page so I can win this” I signed up to support her. Sharing took ladyballs. And I was impressed.

The whole concept fascinates me. It is taken as a given that all men masturbate, yet the same is not said about women – even if it is thought. Even if the statistics indicate that’s true.

For me, this comes back to the idea that a woman’s body is not really her own. And this can be seen everywhere. From the over sexualised images of women in the media, advertising and the music industry, to the modest coverings worn in some cultures keeping a woman’s body sacred – for her husband’s eyes only. And this bothers me.

We seem to live in a world where nothing is more taboo, more threatening, more terrifying or more likely to immediately illicit a strong negative response than a woman owning her sexuality. From riding on a wrecking ball nude to oozing sex and glamour a la Christina Hendricks or Dita Von Teese. It makes society uncomfortable.

All this ran through my head at 1,000 miles an hour when I was approached to receive for review, and for giveaway (different ones, of course), some vibrators.

“I can’t do that!” Thought I, “My dad reads my blog!”

Followed by the fear of what would happen if The Viking’s work stumbled upon the post. Or people from my work. Or even one of those guys who says borderline inappropriate things to me on Facebook, to the extent that the Viking has occassionally had to remind them that’s his wife they’re talking about.

Could I do it? Could I break the taboo? Turns out I can. And I’m inviting you to as well.


The product is Thrill by We-Vibe (pictured above) and my review so far is pretty short. I’ve only managed the time or inclination to test it the once and I have to admit, I found it a little difficult to figure out. But one thing that really appealed to me upon opening was how feminine it looked. It was not a giant fallic object designed to make any man feel like he’s sharing the bedroom with Ron Jeremy, rather it was small and discrete.

It is designed to vibrate on your clitoris while also hitting your g-spot. So far I’ve only managed to make it successfully vibrate the hell out of my pubic bone, but I’ll give it another go at some point. Perhaps when the after affects of temporarily turning into the Elephant Man are completely out of my system.

In the mean time we have 3 of these babies to give away. And I’m going to make it easy. All you have to do is comment on this post saying you would like to win one. You can tell me why if you feel so inclined. You can even do it anonymously (just make sure you don’t then put in your real email if you have a gravatar account, as your face will show up) and I’ll reply to the 3 comments who have won this device.

If you comment, but don’t say you want to win one, I will not consider it an entry. I also want to hear what you all have to say about this topic.

Do you think it’s another form of misogyny? Do you believe women should be more open about their sexuality? Do you think this even rates as a taboo?

  • Anon

    I’d like to win one.
    The whole concept of the taboo around female masturbation is very interesting to me.
    Especially coming from the faith background that I do, where all forms of masturbation a frowned upon.
    It took me a long time to be able to do it without feeling guilty, and I’ve never found the courage to be able to buy a vibrator.
    So I’d love to win one, at least just to…experiment.

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      Experiment away because YOU WIN! Contact me at tamsin@kikiandtea.com to claim and to prove it’s you, tell me the email you used to leave this comment.

  • Anon

    I’d like to win one. Masturbation was always said to be shameful in any sex ed I ever had, and it took me a long time to understand any different. I’ve always been far to afraid to buy a vibrator, but really want to try this one.

  • Laurin Milsom

    I do think it is a massive taboo, and even the women I know who are quite open about sex still feel uncomfortable talking abt masturbation. I sat here for ten minutes trying to decide whether I would post as myself – eep! But I decided I could be brave if you could, T :) Great post! I would like to win one too :)

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      YEAH! Well done you commenting under your name!

      • Laurin Milsom

        hahah thanks 😉

        • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

          And for being the first person to put your name to your comment – YOU WIN! Contact me on tamsin@kikiandtea.com to claim.

  • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

    Even with men I think it’s still a taboo subject – we all do it – we all kind of nod and wink about it – but we don’t talk about it publicly that much either… or privately for that matter…

    And, no, I’m not entering the competition… wrong equipment! 😉

    Good luck to everyone else though!

  • Billy Ellis

    I’d like to win one for 3 reasons. 1) Justine and I have had very limited and spectacularly unsuccessful usage of a previous we-vibe product; 2) a sex toy that looks like it could also play a role in cracking shellfish is intriguing; 3) our we-vibe ii was such a cumbersome disappointment that it would be great for we-vibe to redeem themselves with superior engineering

  • Cassandra Goodwin

    I started masturbating before I really had any concept of what exactly it was I was doing, and kind of assumed everyone else had too because that’s how humans tend to make sense of the world. I remember bringing it up with a female friend when I was 16 or so, talking about it like it was a normal thing, because I thought it was, and she FLIPPED OUT. She insisted that if I didn’t stop talking she was going to vomit, that only disturbed perverts touch themselves etc etc. Even more intriguing, this only seemed to apply to women in her mind – she understood and accepted that men jerk off all the time. But the idea of a woman doing it genuinely horrified her.

    • Laurin Milsom

      that’s really sad that she was so disturbed by it!

  • Bernie Wallace

    I would like to win one.

  • Billy Ellis

    ….finally chance to add the actual comment. Our perspective on masturbation is it is not unlike any other sensory experience such as eating a dessert – it can be alone or shared, and there are zillions of different reasons as to why how when and where. To attach gender to it is illogical and baseless

  • Trish

    I’d like to win one! I bought my 1st (and to date only) vibrator when I turned 40 as I had been single for a few years and thought it was time to get past the taboos (self imposed) and try something new.

  • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

    This is a brave post. Good on you. And you’re right, it’s a taboo topic to speak of, though I think more women masturbate than they’re willing to admit.
    I found myself talking about sex very freely the other night, to a friend, something I don’t do much of. Perhaps woken are more confident or comfortable talking about (their own) masturbation to a lover rather than to a female friend as it could be considered a form of foreplay (talking about it and doing it).
    Count me in for an entry. Great post :)

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I know what you mean, I rarely talk about sex to anyone.

  • KJ

    I want to win one!

  • ef

    Perfect birthday present, finishes on my birthday, actually I more open for discussion about female matsurbation with my girlfriends as apposed to talking about it with my hub? Maybe this little toy might break the ice

  • NewName

    Geez, if you don’t know how to pleasure yourself how can you expect anyone else to?! Not taboo for me and my friends, we love talking about all sorts of sex and stuff! Pick me……..Pick me…….Pick me 😉

  • Claudia

    I’d love to win one! My current ones (both mechanical and spousal) aren’t really hitting the spot. Time to try something new.

  • Raz

    I would like to win one! Most of the time, I only talk about masturbation with one of my girlfriends. We are both in long term relationships, and she tells me she often pleasures herself when she is frustrated with him! I’m not sure I feel that way, but I’ve never used a device before, and would like to try! I sometimes “double click thr mouse” to relieve cramps during my period – pre, or during.

  • Not Graig

    Good post. 1 out of every 1 person does this.
    This topic, like many others shouldn’t be taboo. That isn’t to say it should be completely common either – but there are things to learn from others on many topics, and this is one such topic. Miscarriage is another taboo that needs open discussion also.

  • Nicole Hansen

    I want to win one :-)

  • LadyClover

    I’d love to win one. I’m 21 and have been with my boyfriend since we were 16, high school sweethearts. 5 years later and I’m still crazy about him but…well..I’ve never masturbated. I tried when I was a bit younger but to no avail. Just didn’t work. We are having some issues at the moment concerning him using porn/finding out he’s thought of other people while masturbating and I am just trying to get my head around it all! We talked and he thought maybe I should give it another go…try an explore myself a bit. We were so young and inexperienced when we got together, and I was young and naive. ANYWAY. Interesting post, and very timely. I’d love to win so I could try it out – plus I am a student so freebies are even better xx

  • Pelican Pie

    Oh! Ohhh! OHHHH! Yes, yes! Yesss! YES! YESSSSS! YEESSSSSSSS!!!


    (Can I win one, now, please?)

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      Purely for the wonderful sex noises, YOU WIN! Email me at tamsin@kikiandtea.com to claim your prize.

  • goldylocks

    I’d like to win one! Never used one before, so I think I’d like to see how well they work 😉 Thank you!

    • goldylocks

      Also I don’t think it should be taboo at all! It’s natural and I’ve even heard that babies have done it while still in the womb.

  • http://www.facebook.com/norabeestyle Nora Bee Style

    Did you manage to give three away? I’ve been looking at purchasing something similar… Then got carried away and bought four other things, mainly for couples, but something for my own use!
    I’ve never found it taboo personally, but have never been able to talk openly about it, because no one else wants too… It’s something my partner and I love, although, he doesn’t talk openly about it either, but he does have a couple of mates to talk to, mine all say, they don’t want to hear anymore…