I Have Never…

day at the beach

day at the beach

When I was 20, I was diagnosed with asthma. As my colds deteriorated, I found myself wheezy and tight chested. Once I ended up in hospital – I was coughy, had a nasty chest infection and spent a lot of time trying to talk through the oxygen mask. Asthma was an expected sub-condition of my skin condition – for years dermatologists would ask if I get asthma. Fortunately I only get it when I have a cold or on very cold mornings, and this unfortunately means I can never quite remember how to use my ventolin properly!

Before my diagnosis, my doctor asked me a number of questions – how many times I’d experienced these symptoms, whether I had been diagnosed with asthma previously, and whether I’m a smoker. I told him I’m not a smoker. He said my cough and wheezing suggested I am a smoker. I assured him I’d never smoked before – not even held a cigarette. He was shocked. And our conversation went like this:

“What do you mean you’ve never smoked before?”, he asked.
“I’ve never smoked a cigarette”, I said.
“Not even a puff?”
“Nope.”
“But everyone’s smoked before, especially at your age”, he exclaimed.
“I’ve never smoked before. Honestly.”

To this day, I’m a proud non smoker, proud that I’ve never smoked in my 31 years and 8 months on this earth. I have touched a cigarette, and obviously passively smoked – especially when smoking was allowed in pubs and music venues – but I avoid it whenever I can, to the point of asking people not to smoke around me.

I’ve also never taken drugs. Only medically prescribed ones. Drugs don’t interest me – I just want to live my life unaffected by mind altering chemicals. And I’ve seen a little of the damage they do to people. Those who know me know I’m not comfortable around them, and so I went until I was 28 never seeing drugs being used in real life. (I regularly cover my eyes when I see drugs being used in film – especially heroin in the arm – I just can’t watch.)

It seems that I’m either a goody two shoes (tell me – is there a baddy one shoe out there?) or I am content to do my own thing, not to be swayed by others. A little from column A, a little from column B.

Tamsin, our esteemed editor in chief, emailed us writers, asking what we’d be interested in writing. Melissa and Mandi discussed the idea of writing about Ben Affleck cast as Batman. I replied saying that I don’t think I’ve seen a Ben Affleck movie. And come to think of it, there are lots of popular culture references I just don’t get because I haven’t seen a movie or read a book. I guess I just don’t get out that much, or am a fan in my own bubble. This post was born out of that idea – the things I haven’t done that everyone else seems to have done. So here’s my list.

I have never smoked or taken drugs (apart from alcohol).

I have never tried absinthe. Nor have I ever done a shot of alcohol properly (I drank tequila over three sips!).

I have never read a Harry Potter book or watched a film. I tried reading a book at the height of Potter-mania but I got bored.

I have never watched Star Trek/Wars. Are they the same thing?

I have never seen ET.

Same goes for Mad Max and Back to the Future.

I have never watched Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother. So don’t even expect me to understand you when you reference Sheldon in conversation.

I have never watched the Kardashians. Until a year or so ago I thought their surname was pronounced ‘Kar-SHADE-ian’. See also the range of Shore reality TV programs. Jersey, Geordie etc.

I have never bought a Ministry of Sound album.

I have never wanted to buy a handbag that costs as much as my car. And I hate logo-d fashion. So I have never bought Prada or Louis Vuitton or Chanel.

I have never seen True Blood.

I have never been to the cricket, soccer, basketball, football, netball, rugby. I have been to two football matches (three if you count the Community Cup) and one Commonwealth Games event – the badminton (so boring that I listened to my iPod).

I have never drunk a coloured sports drink.

I have never been skinny dipping.

Unfortunately I have seen three films in the Twilight series. It was an awful experience, but they were for charity. Honest!

What have you never done that it seems everyone around you is doing?

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  • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

    I have never smoked a cigarette either! Or taken drugs. Or been skinny dipping.

    I have never stayed up all night.
    Or picked someone up in a bar.
    Or been on a date that wasn’t part of a relationship.
    I have never been fired.
    Gone bungee jumping, skydiving or paragliding.
    Gone rock climbing or absailing.

    • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

      I’ve never picked anyone up in a bar either… but I don’t go to bars 😉

      • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

        Neither do I! But it seems other people have! I suppose I should say bar or club.

        • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

          Same difference to me… but, like you, I have picked people up on public transport 😉

          • Monique Fischle

            I’m boring, I’ve never picked up people at bars/clubs or on public transport. When I think about it, I’ve met about 80% of boyfriends at church. How stereotypical of me haha

          • Ozgirl

            Would it be in poor form for me to start going to church to find a husband????

          • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

            That’s what The Viking did (and obviously it worked)

            … well, to find a wife. Not a husband.

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      I have never been fired either.
      I have been on a flying fox and done other high ropes stuff!
      I love these lists!

  • Lucy

    I have never taken drugs (I have smoked, and drank alcohol).
    I have never tried absinthe.
    I have never been skinny dipping.

    I have never been rock climbing, bungee jumping etc.
    I have never traveled outside of Australia.

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I’ve tried absinthe! You should! One of the only alcoholic drinks I actually like. But go to the absinthe saloon in Surry Hills to try it, don’t do it at home.

      • Ozgirl

        Is it real absinthe? I thought the real stuff (the real strong stuff!) can’t be sold in Australia?

        For the record I have had the ‘real’ stuff (from Prague) and one shot was all the alcohol I needed all night!

        • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

          It’s the real stuff. You can only drink it at the saloon (they sell absinthe there but it’s not the same absinthe they serve) and you’re only allowed 2 shots.

          • Ozgirl

            Oh cool!

  • Monique Fischle

    I have never taken drugs.
    I have never been skinny dipping.
    I haven’t seen all of ET and many other classic movies, some of which I don’t want to mention.
    I have never done anything really crazy. I was asked once recently what the craziest thing I had ever done was and I had no answer. I take calculated risks, if I risk things at all.
    I also, wait for it, don’t ride a bike and if we’re being honest here, I can’t. Everyone else tells me how much I’m missing out on but I’ve gone 22 years and 11 months without this skill and I’m totally fine.

    • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

      I kind of can ride a bike. I’ve been trying with the help of my brother (who demonstrates exactly how protective he is of me during this exercise to the amusement of all concerned) but I can’t really ride a bike.

      I’m intrigued by the movies you don’t want to mention!

      • Monique Fischle

        I have had many friends over the years determined to teach me but I just don’t care.

        The reason I don’t want to mention some movies is some of them are my best friend’s favourites and I don’t want her to know I haven’t seen them!

      • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

        Speaking of which, when are you coming over to pick up R’s bike? 😉

        • http://kikiandtea.com/ Tamsin Howse

          I’ll get there!

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      I am not sure if I can ride a bike. Haven’t done so for years. I can’t swim.

  • Maryann

    I have never:
    Smoked
    Taken illegal drugs
    Been drunk
    Watched the Kasdashians or any pay TV, Twlight/True Blood etc
    Been skinny dipping

    There is no doubt lots of other things I have never done that others take for granted. But I guess we all have our own interests & priorities. It would be boring if we all did/liked the same things.

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      Hallelujah for all the non kardashian watchers

  • http://iamevilcupcake.com/ iamevilcupcake

    Deep breath Mandi. Star Wars and Star Trek are completely different things! Ok. Moving on.

    I have never smoked, taken drugs, tried absinthe or sambuca, never watched anything vampirish. Never watched or read Harry Potter. I have never been on a date. I have never had a makeout/pash fest. I have never had a snuggle session.

    Skinny dipping is fantastic. Mind you I did it alone. But it was still wonderful.

    • Monique Fischle

      Haha I was wondering how you’d react ti the Star Wars/Star Trek comment. I must say that I am shocked you haven’t even seen a single Harry. For some reason I thought you had!

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      I hate the thought of alcohol that tastes like medicine. Hence my aversion to most drinks that aren’t cider or wine. Are you like me too?

      • http://iamevilcupcake.com/ iamevilcupcake

        Me too! I have the asthma issue as well so anything remotely medicinal or hospital like makes me squirm!

  • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

    Carly, it’s amazing how similar our “never haves” are… :)

    I have seen Star Trek and Star Wars, and I do watch a lot of sport, and I like True Blood,… but apart from that, we’re almost twins!

    For me, you could also add:

    Never travelled overseas (if you don’t count Tasmania)

    Never owned a passport

    Never owned a mobile phone (or smart phone)

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      You haven’t owned a mobile phone?!
      I had a passport for 12 years prior to going OS. Wish I had done it earlier. Get one and do it!

      • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

        I had a work mobile for 3 months in 2000 during the Olympics… I think I used it twice… but apart from that, not a sausage! :)

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      I also haven’t been past Brisbane or Mt Gambier. Need to see more Australia.

      • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

        Yeah, I want to see more of OZ too…

        I’ve probably seen more of Tasmania than I have of NSW or Victoria… never been anywhere else…

        I’m waiting to get my book published, and then travel to promote my book… 😉

  • Melissa Savage

    Not even Good Will Hunting? Or Argo? The Town? Armageddon?

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      Nope. Not even that. I am a Ben Affleck Virgin.

      • Melissa Savage

        Probably no Kevin Smith movies either – Chasing Amy, Mallrats, Dogma. We live in different universes.

        Live long and prosper (if you can tell me which Star…that’s from without googling I’ll buy you a drink next time we meet).

        • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

          Live long and prosper is Star Trek!

          Though I was going to joke and say Starbucks 😉

          • Melissa Savage

            Good work; I owe you a wine :)

            Starbuck is from Battlestar Galactica, another one I’m guessing you’ve missed out on 😉

          • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

            Maybe you should owe me a shot of hard alcohol ;$
            I do know Muse’s Starlight, if that counts :)

  • KJ

    I’ve never seen a Star Wars or a Star Trek film.

    I’ve never broken a bone.

    • http://johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

      Oh yeah! I’ve never broken a bone, or been to hospital (apart from being born, or to visit…)

    • KJ

      i’ve also never seen or read Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit.

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      Never broken a bond either!

  • Ozgirl

    I have never done drugs or smoked a cigarette!

    I’ve never seen a Star Wars or a Star Trek film

    I have never managed to watch Pulp Fiction the whole way through! When I lived in America it was on high repeat on HBO and I still never got to watch the whole thing… I usually lost interest about the overdose mark…

    I have never been in a long term relationship….

    Actually have never had a boyfriend for long than 2 months… well I kind of ‘dated’ someone long distance for just under 4 months but since it was long distance my reckoning is it’s really half that time!

    • http://Carlyfindlay.blogspot.com/ Carly Findlay

      We are twins! I have also never watched Pulp Fiction nor had a long term relationship. Have fallen on love with boys on the Internet.
      My list is growing!

      • Ozgirl

        Fraternal twins maybe 😉 (i have done a lot of the other stuff you listed!)(

  • SonjaLouise

    I’ve never smoked anything, or taken any drugs (excluding caffeine and alcohol) that weren’t prescription (for me). I’ve never been clubbing. I’ve never asked a guy out, who I wasn’t sure would say yes. I’ve never skinny dipped.

    I have stayed up all night just to see the sunrise.
    I have been over seas and around Australia.
    I have broken hearts and had my heart broken.
    I have read a long book in one sitting, and watched a whole season of tv show in two days.
    I have met Internet friends in real life (and they are fabulous)

    • melinka

      I like your list :)

      I started of thinking of all the things I’ve never done, which then turned into things I can’t do (swim, ride a bike, drive a car and so on), which was getting a little depressing!

      I do try to be aware of not staying in my comfort zone, which can be … uncomfortable ;), so I don’t get out of it as often as I probably should!

  • AnnabelSmith

    I think I am a baddy one shoe. Not ALL bad – but a little bad, occasionally! I have never seen an episode of Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones or any of those other must-see HBO series.But I’ll try most things once. Mad Max is awful, by the way. but Star Wars is great.

  • fender4eva

    I’ve never posted a selfie. Trust me, you’ll thank me….. :-)