Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater… Right?

August 1, 2012 in Anecdotes, Celebrity, Dating, Entertainment, Film & TV, Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Stories

The now infamous cheating photos

So Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson – I know, my jaw dropped when I found out. For a woman who often appears so sullen in her interaction with the media, I have read interviews where ‘R-Patz’ has defended her ‘shy’ behavior and it would appear he is nothing short of a gentleman when discussing her or making appearances with her.

Not only did Kristen cheat, but she cheated with a married father (who is equally complicit). Kristen was busted when photos that were undeniable in their authenticity and physical interaction surfaced. She took to twitter almost immediately, making the following statement: ‘This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.’

What happens next is between Kristen and Robert and, unfortunately, the world. I think if she truly respected Robert as much as she says, then perhaps she wouldn’t have been unfaithful. The wife of the man she cheated with played her mother in the movie Snow White and the Huntsman which he directed. To me, it seems she has little respect for boundaries at all.

What makes this story a little different to other celebrity relationships that have been ruined by infidelity is that we are used to men being the culprits. This is not to say women don’t cheat, but as a society, I think we may have been less surprised if Robert Pattinson had done the cheating. Think back – Tiger Woods, Ashton Kutcher, Jessie James, Jude law… the list goes on.

Which brings me to my question: is cheating when you are in a committed relationship ever OK? Is it forgivable? And the ultimate ‘cheater’ question – can a cheater change their ways?

I surveyed friends and the majority lent towards no. On all counts. They felt cheating in a committed relationship was a deal breaker.

For me, it was. I gave my ex a second chance and all he did was exploit that chance. And when the dust settled and I had kicked him out, and made it clear that we would never be a couple again, his comments now sound strangely familiar: “But it meant nothing – I love YOU. You are the most important thing in my life, I love you. I am sorry.”

Those words sounded hollow back then. They still feel that way. I was ready to spend my life with this man but his repeated ‘indiscretions’ showed me that I would never be able to trust him, even if he had never cheated again, how would I have known for sure? I look at women like Sandra Bullock who behaved with the utmost dignity when her husband, Jesse James was found to have been unfaithful with numerous women throughout their entire marriage. She packed her bags and left. She focused on not ‘slagging’ him off, her dignified silence spoke volumes, but her actions spoke more when she voted with her feet.

Kristen Stewart is now not only being branded a ‘cheat’ she also has tabloid covers with ‘home wrecker’ slapped across them. It would appear that she is now going to take the heat off her predecessor who was branded the same thing: Angelina may well get a break from extensive tabloid magazine coverage where her every move is followed and photographed. It would seem the torch has been passed. Is it fair that K-Stew and R-Patz will have to decide how to move on from this in the public eye? No. But that’s the price celebrities pay. So is she a ‘home wrecker’? Of all the things the media have called her or accused her of being over the last few years, this is by far the worst, and easily the hardest to recover from.

What do you think? Can Kristen recover from this? Do you believe a cheater will always cheat? Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

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Author Info

Maree Talidu has written 46 posts.
Maree is a high school teacher who is first and foremost a child of God and values her faith, her family & her friendships. Maree has gypsy blood and music running through her veins. She is an advocate for 'Invisible Illnesses' and is passionate about helping her students realise their full potential. Maree collects sneakers, concert tickets and all things kitsch. Maree once broke up with someone who accused her of inventing the word 'cryptic' to confuse him. She loves video games and remains unbeaten on 'Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3'. Maree likes to write on behalf of those who may not feel they have a voice.

13 Comments »

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http://music.johnanthonyjames.com/ John James

I gotta say, I don’t think cheating should be a deal-breaker…yes it hurts, and yes it’s not something anyone should be proud of…but we’re all human and we all make mistakes…

The thing is – and I’ve said this before on KK&T and other sites – you never stop meeting new people who you find attractive, no matter how committed you are – sometimes attraction leads to something more…I’m not denying that it can be seen as a betrayal and can hurt a relationship, but I also think it’s wrong to expect people to be 100% perfect…none of us can live up to that…

I know people and relationships that have survived cheating…it is possible to get past it…
http://tamsinhowse.com/blog Tamsin Howse

100% deal breaker. I’ve tried to move past it in a previous relationship and I never got over it. Never.
Maree Talidu

For me, a deal breaker. Utterly betrayed, hurt, humiliated- have never quite gotten over the fact that I my ability to trust has been compromised for good. I’ve also tried to forget the hurt, the betrayal. I can’t forget.
Maree Talidu

If you meet someone else who you are attracted to and have feelings for, then do your partner the decency of breaking up with them instead of sneaking round behind their backs.
Mazi Gray

I don’t think people can change unless they have no other choice.
And some things can not be forgiven
- Maree Talidu
  
  I forgave because I had to- it was eating me up and turning me into a bitter shrew. But forget? Never. All subsequent relationships I have brought emotional baggage to and treated my partners with suspicion which is incredibly unfair on them.
Bek M

Totally a deal breaker.
Of course you can still be attracted to people, but you can just choose not to act upon that attraction, or entertain thoughts about that person in your head.
I also think you can emotionally cheat on someone as well as physically. The physical act of having sex with someone else is usually just the end result of an emotional affair, which comes first.
Jessica Chapman

I think that it’s unfair that she gets branded as a “home wrecker” when it takes two. I think that term is rather sexist actually, when was the last time you heard someone call a man a home wrecker.
Rose Russo

I’ve cheated and been cheated on. I don’t think it’s a deal breaker in some cases, but both individuals must be committed to making it work. I think Kristen Stewart is young and she made a mistake – I don’t think it’s fair that she’s being called names like “Trampire” etc. It takes two to tango, blah blah blah.

There was an interesting article over on Daily Life about cheating – it might interest you guys http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/love,-sex-and-relationships/the-language-we-use-to-discuss-cheating-20120730-23981.html

This is the part I found most interesting…

4. What leads someone to cheat?

For most people, it’s probably something they are not even aware of. Research tells us some people are ‘wired’ to cheat more than others, depending on their attachment style. Infants attach (or bond) to a primary caregiver in the first 12 or 18 months and this is their basic “model” for relationships as they grow up. If they bond securely they learn a relationship is based on trust (most of us are securely bonded) and securely bonded people are less likely to have an affair.

If bonding is interrupted or doesn’t happen for some reason (and there are lots of them) then infants become “insecurely” bonded and are either overly anxious or preoccupied about their close relationships, or are “dismissive” and deny the need for them, or finally, need love desperately, but reject it once they have it. Someone who was insecurely attached will be more likely to have an affair, but for different reasons, depending on their style. Research shows that “dismissive” men have twice as many affairs as the other styles.
- http://tamsinhowse.com/blog Tamsin Howse
  
  That’s really interesting. I was apart from any primary caregiver from 6 months old, and I’m definitely anxious. Husband would confirm I ask him about once every two days if he loves me, even though I know he does, it’s usually the last thing I do before I fall asleep.
  - Rose Russo
    
    You’re not the only one – I always ask and am asked “do you love me?”
    
    It is nice to hear even if it is perhaps an overly anxious thing to constantly ask.
Lou

I cheated and 15 years later I am married to the guy I cheated with.
I love him with all my heart and would never cheat on him. He was not married or in a relationship when we met but he knew I was married.
I have absolutely no regrets about what I did. I fell in love with someone and you can’t help when that happens.
He is the love of my life and the fact that we are still just as crazy for each other 15 years later proves that it was the right thing to do.
I dont care what anyone thinks about what I did, I know I found the person I love and want to be with and as far as I am concerned love is not wrong no matter the circumstances that bring you to that point.
I dont judge those who stay in bad relationships so they should not judge me for getting out of my bad one and into one that has given me happiness.
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