Most women who watched the cult hit women’s show Sex And The City will remember the episode where the 4 women identify their secret single behaviour, aka the types of things they get up to when home alone and they’d never do in front of their significant other. Remember how Miranda covers her hands and feet in Vaseline to soften them, puts socks on and watches infomercials? It’s a term I have used ever since watching that episode, and whenever I hear the term “secret single behaviour”, my excitement levels rise slightly because it’s one of my favourite things to do.
Now, I’m not your typical booze-toting, counting down till 5pm for Friday drinks kind of person. Oh, I was, for a while there when I was at uni, except it was usually Thursday nights because that was 2 for 1. And when I was at uni I worked in a shoe shop, so Friday nights were usually spent at work, as late night shopping in the Brisbane CBD is Friday. Fun times.
Once I graduated and starting working full time, I was still peachy keen for Friday drinkies with my friends. Mainly because we were excited about the fact we had grown up jobs and were engaging in the grown up activity of Friday night drinks like a REAL OFFICE WORKER! That got a bit boring after, maybe 6 months, and on Friday, I just wanted to go home already and not have to speak to another human being until at least Saturday morning.
For the last year at least, Mr W has played soccer on Friday nights. People tend to express their surprise with committing to Friday evening sport, but he doesn’t care. I actually love that he plays sport on Friday evenings, because it gives me a nice few hours to myself to engage in one of my favourite activities: secret single behaviour!
So what do I do? Well, generally, I will eat chips for dinner. If I am starving (or actually organised), I might have retrieved a piece of meat from the freezer to defrost, so I will add some meat and veggies to the chips so I feel like I’m having a balanced meal. Sometimes, because Mr W isn’t home, I just eat chocolate for dinner. Good times. I had McDonalds one night a few months ago, but the chemicals and preservatives in it turned my brain into crazy town the next day.
Then I will put on some ridiculously trashy television show that is my guilty pleasure, such as Keeping up with the Kardashians or the Real Housewives of Practically Every Major City in America. Always, I will slather my face in cleansing oil, fill a bowl with boiling water and hold my head over it to steam open and cleanse my pores. Then I put on a face mask while watching my trash television. Sometimes, if I am really feeling the secret single behaviour, I will soak my feet. Usually in a bucket with fancy sea salt Mr W buys (don’t tell him!) and then scrub at my cracked heels, and then perform a home pedicure. Then I wash my face mask off and put a pore strip on my nose. This has to happen, otherwise I feel like my ritual is not complete. Sometimes, I will even coat my feet in Vaseline, put socks on and jump into bed and read a book. Sometimes, I wax under my arms and pluck all my toe hairs out too.
Now come on, don’t be scared, what are your secret single behaviours? We all have them! Don’t feel alone in your chip-eating vaseline-covered-feet pore-packed behaviour!