“The night my vibrator died” (Possibly NSFW)

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The upcoming film 'Hysteria' is about the Victorian-era invention of the vibrator

There it was sitting in my bedside drawer, cold and lifeless. I didn’t know what to do. I had never experienced this before. Do I attempt to commence CPR on the poor little fellow? However will I live without you? We’ve had some good times and some hit and misses just like in real life, I guess, but now it’s time to say goodbye. So long, farewell. Adieu. Goodnight.

It has been good while it’s lasted.

No I’m not talking about my latest relationship breakup. I’m talking about my vibrator. We’ve been together for nearly four years now and suddenly on Thursday evening our relationship came to an abrupt end. He’d had enough of me. I didn’t understand why. He didn’t even give me any notice. Just poof – gone – never to see the light of day (or night) again.

I tried to save him but it was no use. His time on this earth was over. Sadly he’d moved on to vibrator heaven. I wonder what else goes there?

We came together by accident really, as chance meetings do. I attended my first ever Sexpo and found that this guy could work better than the other pink one I had at home. I promptly handed over my $20 (what a bargain!) and snuck it away in my handbag. I don’t know why I hid it when close by two women were naked in a boxing ring with a bucket of water and suds. You do the math.

I realised that to make the little guy come to life I needed ‘C’ batteries. Now, whatever else do you use C batteries for? Nothing, that’s right. So instead of getting just the batteries from Coles I disguised them with a whole range of stuff I didn’t need – milk, bread, you name it, to help conceal the fact I was buying batteries for my SEX TOY.

When I finally got him home it was on like donkey kong. I didn’t understand how I had managed to live my life without him. It was love. I was like Charlotte from Sex and the City where she becomes a virtual recluse after being introduced to the “rabbit” vibrator. Suddenly she had all these “special appointments” and she couldn’t hang out with her friends. She was obsessed.

I’ve been to sex toy parties and even wandered into those seedy sex shops from time to time. I bought my first porno from one, before the Internet streamed porn for free, and I felt dirty. I know I shouldn’t, but I did. As I handed the DVD to the guy behind the counter he smirked, looked at the title and then continued watching Neighbours on the TV behind me. Just your regular Wednesday night.

Now, I was never obsessed and it didn’t replace my sex life, but it helped me work out what makes me tick. Seriously now, it is in every woman’s best interests for herself and her partner to be in tune with her body. Finding out and discovering what turns you on can be incredibly empowering, as I learnt.

But women were barely talking about it. Maybe online and to their closest friends but certainly not like how men swap masturbation stories. Talking about women masturbating is still a little bit naughty, as mentioned in Sunday Life’s weekend cover story ‘Good Vibrations’.

“Fiona Patten, CEO of the Eros Foundation, says in 2008 women accounted for 40 per cent of sex-shop customers in Australia, a massive jump from 10 per cent in 1992. This fits with the latest trend: women now make up the fastest-growing consumer market for sex toys. And what they’re mostly buying, says Malcolm Day, founder and managing director of Adultshop.com, is vibrators, which today constitute half of all of his site’s sales, compared with less than a third a decade ago”

So while I cry into my pillow at the loss of a great friend, I have now been searching the net for my next great love. There are so many options to choose from and I’m very excited. Pun intended.

Why do you think it’s still naughty to talk about women’s sexual desires, and specifically masturbation? Have you ever owned a sex toy?

Here is the trailer of the upcoming film Hysteria, a romantic comedy about the invention of the vibrator that stars Maggie Gyllenhaal.

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  • Bek M

    I am the only person I know who got a vibrator for “medical reasons”. Haha no really. After having my first child I got (as well as PND) vaginimus, where the muscles contract so badly sex can’t happen. My GP and I went through a lot of treatment ideas, nothing worked, finally in desperation she said “maybe you could try a vibrator to retrain the muscles.” Hearing that from a Christian doctor to me (a Christian) was pretty hilarious. Then it got funnier. I tell all this to my friend (who is Catholic) and she actually went to a sex shop (for the first time in her life) and bought me one for my birthday. True story! And yes, it did help with the medical condition. :-)

    • Rose Russo

      That is a funny story Bek!
      I actually wrote an article on The Punch are few weeks back on an article in the SMH about vaginimus. I found the article really quite rude and warning women who wait until marriage to have sex that they will develop the condition. Sure, it’s a possibility but I don’t know… the article didn’t sit well with me that’s why I wrote an opinion piece about it.

      You can find it here – http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/women-can-lose-their-virginity-whenever-they-want/

      I’m so happy to hear it helped with your medical condition :) I’m patiently waiting for my package to arrive – any day now!! haha

      • http://www.mattysilver.com.au Matty Silver

        Dear Rose,
        I find it interesting how you interpreted Luke Malone’s article. I mentioned that some women may end up with vaginismus, after waiting a long time to have sex to be “virgins” until their wedding night.
        The problem is that hardly anybody knows what vaginismus is, even members of the medical profession. So when this happens to a couple, they have no idea why and are too embarrassed to talk about. I was contacted by 5 women after the article, who only now discovered that they have vaginismus.
        So your response “What I’m most concerned about is the tone of the article. It’s basically warning women who are waiting till their wedding night to have sex that they should be bonking everything in sight, otherwise they’ll not be able to have sex with their husbands. What a crock”.
        And: But women who decide to wait until marriage should not be ridiculed or live in fear of developing vaginismus.
        Those statements are your interpretation, I absolutely did not want to frighten or ridicule women who want to remain virgins.
        I will be having another blog next week in the SMH about Vaginismus, just read that and you may change your mind about the devastating effect vaginismus can have for a couple.
        Cheers Matty

        • Rose Russo

          Hi Matty,

          Thanks for taking the time to read my article and respond.

          Personally, the only thing that irked me about the vaginismus piece in the Herald was this statement at the beginning:

          “While saving oneself for marriage is a personal choice, she warns of an unexpected condition that can affect some women who are waiting for Mr Right – vaginismus”

          I didn’t like to use of the word “Mr Right” and I know that Luke Malone was trying to highlight the fact that vaginismus effects women who are virgins waiting for marriage, but it just didn’t sit well with me. I don’t believe that vaginismus only effects virgins.

          Other than that, I have the gift of hindsight and I can see that this article would have provided women with a medical term that they could match to their problem and that is incredibly empowering for them. I think it’s a great thing that these sorts of articles are out there I just believe that it could have been worded a little differently.

          I will certainly look out for your blog next week in SMH as I’m sure vaginismus can cause a lot of stress on a couple.

          Thanks

          Rose

  • http://tamsinhowse.com/blog Tamsin Howse

    I do think it’s still considered “naughty”, yes. There is a huge stigma attached to it, masturbation specifically. I have absolutely no idea if any of my female friends do or don’t masturbate. It just isn’t spoken about.

    Well, except you. I know about you!! 😛

    • Rose Russo

      Oops! 😛

      It really does puzzle me why there is such a stigma, especially since more and more women are using websites like Adultshop.com.au.

  • fender4eva

    Rose, I think I’m falling in love……. 😉

    • Rose Russo

      Hahaha you make me laugh! 😉

  • fender4eva

    Rose, it was when the girls were laughing, that I used to strike. Of course, I’m semi retired now. 😉

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