After reading Whippersnapper’s post I clarified something I have known for a long time: I don’t want a career. I know that’s not what you’re supposed to say, it’s not what people in your workplace, or even some other women, want to hear. But I can’t help it, ever since I was 18 years old and a doctor told me I may never be able to have children, that’s all I’ve wanted to do.
Let’s take a step back. When I was a kid I was convinced I was the world’s best singer and, naturally, it would only be a matter of time before someone discovered me and I became incredibly famous. It wasn’t too late in life I realised that probably would never happen, but I was still driven to achieve. I accepted the sad reality that, maybe, I wasn’t the world’s best singer but I was tall, thin and not entirely ugly. So the plan was modelling to make contacts, then launch my singing career from there. I even went so far as getting a modelling portfolio done and getting contacts at agencies.
Many things happened in between resulting in not actually following this dream, but the clincher was that day at the doctor’s. I have polycystic ovaries. Not serious as far as ovarian problems go, and incredibly common, but the seed of doubt was planted and from that moment on gone were my glittering dreams of the catwalk, replaced with nappies and baby smiles.
My mother is a career woman, a feminist, an academic, and a high achiever. She went back to work when I was 6 months old. I do not resent her that, but it’s not the life I want for me. I am 27 years old, and I’ll admit it, here and now – all I want in life is to be a mother.
Don’t get me wrong – I am a high achiever. I am driven. And my current role, which I’ve been doing for just under 2 years, is the longest time I’ve stayed in any one job without being promoted and moving on to bigger and better things. I want to earn money. I want to be satisfied, and I am good at what I do. While I’m at work I am going to put 110% into my work (although admittedly that is impossible). But my priority is, and always will be, my family.
I figure I can still be a high achiever when raising kids. Not at first, I mean who really cares when they’re adults who walked or talked first? And I’m not one for competition among people, ask me to play monopoly and I’ll run for the hills. But when they’re adults I can still be proud of the person they have become. I can still look at them and think to myself “yes, job well done!” And a mother is one of the few jobs where people will tell you “You were born to be a…”.
Will I feel differently after I have kids of my own? I don’t know. But I can’t wait to find out.
Did you always know what you wanted to be? Has it changed? Do you believe some people are born to be mothers?
Image courtesy of Linzi Aiken Photography
Tamsin Howse has written 179 posts.
Tamsin is a wife, stepmother and blogger with a passion for people and relationships, fashion and beauty, and an inability to successfully complete household tasks. Co-founder and Editor-in-chief of KiKi & Tea.
Follow on twitter: @TamsinHowse